Some odd months ago, I wrote this article here explaining why I dislike having a cleaning lady in Latin America.
It’s a common thing for rentals to have cleaning ladies but, at least in my experience anyway, most of them stick to cleaning everything but the bedroom.
When they stick to everything but the bedroom, it’s OK.
I personally would prefer to never have a cleaning lady even for that because I’m a grown ass adult who can clean my own shit unlike the 30% of the population in Latin America who seem so incapable of doing so that they hire a cleaning lady.
Well, to be fair, that 30% number was pulled out of my ass.
I have no idea how many people hire cleaning ladies down here.
And it’s none of my business if they do.
It only becomes my business when one is forced on me from a landlord.
Though, as I said, it’s OK if the cleaning lady stays out of my bedroom.
Still pointless in my opinion but it doesn’t bother me.
However, having just moved to a new place in Lindavista of Mexico City about a month ago, I’ve had to deal with a cleaning lady who wants to clean the bedroom.
On the Friday of the first week, I remember going downstairs to make some black tea.
That’s when I saw her for the first time.
She was surprised to see me because she didn’t know that the place has a new person in the house.
About a few hours later, I get a knock on the door.
And she’s asking me if she can come in to clean the room.
I tell her no.
“Seguro?” she asks.
Yes – absolutely Seguro.
There hasn’t been anyone more seguro than me that you’ve met in life.
The problem I have with cleaning ladies, to summarize the article here, is the following:
- They never clean that much anyway in my experience.
- I’m a grown ass adult who cleans his own shit just fine.
- It’s a waste of money then (granted, it’s only like 10 bucks a week so whatever on this point).
- It feels classist almost in which I feel uncomfortable having a servant sweep my floors. After all the years here, I’m still not entirely comfortable with it.
- They could potentially steal some of my shit.
- It’s an interruption to my day where, being of how I feel uncomfortable, I prefer leaving the apartment until they are done. Sometimes that is OK if I was going to leave during that time anyway. But it’s inconvenient if I’m busy and don’t want to leave anyhow but will because having a “servant” to sweep my floors in front of me just feels weird.
- I generally just like privacy.
- Sometimes they will be insistent on fucking around with a specific thing or two to make their job easier when I don’t want them to do so.
- Because of my erratic sleep schedule, they sometimes show up at inconvenient hours where I will not get enough sleep the night before because they are stopping by.
- Though I’ve tamed my drinking a bit over the last month or two, I remember my days in Pachuca where I’d feel a little bit self-conscious about having so many empty liquor bottles each week for the cleaning lady to see.
And that’s it!
At any rate, the cleaning lady showed up as I said on the first week.
I told her that I don’t need any service.
She then told me that “well, I’ll come back next week.”
The next week?
She arrived with the landlord texting me beforehand saying that it’s necessary for her to be in the room.
I was actually sleeping when she stopped by.
And, for those who don’t know, I tend to stack shit against the door before ever sleeping to help me sleep easier.
Just makes me sleep easier knowing that someone would have difficulty coming in without me hearing the noise and difficulty of them trying to force the door open.
So I woke up!
To the sound of some dude (the landlord) trying to force the door open.
“LET US COME IN!!! WE HAVE TO SWEEP THE FUCKING FLOOR, GRINGO!!! THERE'S A SPECK OF DUST AND AN EMPTY PLASTIC BOTTLE THAT WE MUST WAKE YOU UP TO CLEAN!!”
I was pissed.
Being woken up that way made me initially think that some outside criminal was trying to break into my room to hurt me or steal from me.
I genuinely forgot that the cleaning lady was showing up that day.
So, because I thought that a criminal was trying to fuck with me, I jumped out of bed with the knife next to me and walked to the door muttering to myself “you fucking prick. What the fuck? Fucking retarded ass faggot bitch.”
The comment above was heavily edited to not sound as bad as what I actually said in all seriousness.
As I said, I genuinely thought that it was a thief looking to fuck with me because I forgot the cleaning lady was coming and someone managed to open the door.
Someone who somehow got access to the house and made me think that they broke the lock to the door somehow.
So I come at the door with a knife in hand really pissed off but I open it to find this sweet middle aged lady standing by the side going “hola!!!”
With the landlord already walking halfway down the stairs.
The funny thing is that the landlord speaks English well enough so he must’ve heard me.
He never said anything to me though about what I was saying as I walked to the door the moment that I was ready to carve someone out.
Anyway, I dropped the act the second I saw it was the cleaning lady.
I let her in to clean without problem.
Though, being honest, I was still annoyed as fuck that I got woken up to the idea that someone wanted to break in to fuck with me with only 3 hours of sleep under my belt.
So she came in.
Had issue with how hot the room was and insisted on opening the window.
However, I have gaps in the window duct taped so that mosquitos don’t come in through those.
I’d rather have a hotter room than mosquitos (especially given that I have a fan).
And this place I’m in has a HUGE mosquito problem. Worse than any place I’ve been to since my first apartment in Roma Norte.
She didn’t fuck with the windows anyhow.
And finished her job in 30 minutes!
I nodded away at her last comments to me about how “good my Spanish is” and how “the dog is so crazy” before closing the door.
The dog being this house dog that the landlord has living in the building.
Then I went back to bed.
Two Weeks Later
About a week ago, I told the landlord that I felt sick.
Ate something and vomited.
It was bullshit.
I simply didn’t want the cleaning lady in this room interrupting my sleep again.
Which, personally, is the biggest annoyance.
How would you like to be fucking woken up 3 hours into your sleep?
Anyway, last Friday on October 15th, I texted the landlord with another excuse.
Told him that I was “busy dealing with Chinese clients all night working and am just going to bed. Can you send her next week?”
Which was bullshit – I don’t have Chinese clients that are available on a different time zone nor do I have a business.
However, I always tell folks down here that “I have a business” instead of my real job of promoting cam model affiliate links because one sounds more professional than the other.
“Nope! You didn’t have her come last week so she has to come this week.”
Being honest with you?
As I wrote here, this apartment has various problems that make me not like it.
That have pushed me very close to moving out.
If it wasn’t for the cute dog that the house has that makes me feel happier, I’d be 110% committed to moving out after recovering my deposit back as I usually do.
However, when he said “nope,” that pushed my decision to move out from 90% confident to 98%.
It’s really the dog that keeps me away from a full 100%.
Which, as I wrote here, has made me realize that I really should just get some pets already.
Anyway, regardless of the dog, I’m now more committed to moving out in November to a better place in Lindavista because I can’t see myself having my sleep interrupted every 2 weeks at this fucking place.
And his attitude of “nope! Fuck the customer? You going to lose sleep because I HAVE to sweep your floor of the little dirt it has? I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, GRINGO!”
Anyway, as you can already tell, I was a little bit pissed about the cleaning lady HAVING to show up again.
As I told you before, cleaning ladies almost never do shit here.
It’s not like I’m cooking greasy ass shit in my room. The kitchen is outside of it!
So what she cleans is literally just sweeping the dirt.
Which there wasn’t much filth at all the last time she cleaned!
Barely any since I look after my own room anyhow.
But there wouldn’t be THAT much after 2 weeks.
It’s not like I’m some Iowan farmer walking in everyday after a day working in the fields.
I am an Iowan though.
Anyway, I almost wanted to call the dude out and be like “bitch, shut the fuck up. You don’t need to send a fucking cleaning lady to my place. It’s only been 2 weeks and, unlike your faggot ass, I can clean up after myself. I’m not some third world bitch who never learned how to use a broom stick.”
But, in the spirit of not starting shit so I have a better shot at getting my deposit back before I move out, I only asked him at what hour is she showing up.
In 3 hours.
Which would be even worse than last time if I tried getting sleep.
Last time? I got 3 hours or so of sleep before I was woken to the possibility of some criminal wanting to fuck with me.
Knife in hand and in the mindset that I have to confront some thief in the house.
This time? I only got 2 hours because it usually takes me an hour to fall asleep unless I’m really drunk beforehand.
And, knowing that I'd have to be awake in a few hours unlike last time, I know I wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway.
I find it difficult to sleep when I have to wake up in a few hours. It's why I hate having to take a flight early in the morning at around 7 AM whenever that happens.
Doug Stanhope put it nicely here -- "the brain won't shut up."
Doug Stanhope - The Brain That Won't Shup Up
So what did I do?
The Metro Ride to Stay Awake
I walked outside and took a metro ride.
Because I was so tired that I didn’t think I could stay awake for another 3 hours by being in my apartment.
To stay awake, I needed to be physically active and moving.
And I was hungry.
So I took a metro ride from Lindavista area to Metro CU.
Which was close to where I lived before moving here.
From one end of Mexico City to the other.
That should keep me awake!
So I walked to the closest metro about 5 minutes away.
Sat down for the ride.
Surprisingly, there were no vendors trying to sell something along the ride to Metro CU.
It did stop a lot though along the way randomly.
Some technical issues with the train, I guess.
Then we arrived to Metro CU.
As I said, I knew I would be hungry as we would be closer to the afternoon time by now.
And I figured that a quick bite by the time that I'm waiting in the last hour for the cleaning lady to arrive would help keep me awake given how tired I was.
So I went outside and grabbed a huarache from a spot I knew in the area that had the best huarache I could find around here.
Back to the metro station for a ride back north with the food for later when I get back.
On the metro ride back, I was obviously still tired.
Thankfully, I got one of those seats away from others so I could lean my body against the wall easier without touching anyone else.
Maybe take a small nap?
I didn’t have anything on person for someone to steal if I was asleep.
And the ride back would end once we reached the second to last metro station on this metro line (Deportivo 18 de Marzo).
Where I’d have to keep on traveling a tiny bit to get back to my apartment.
But there’s no real risk of “missing my station” since Indios Verdes station is just one spot north of where I’m going anyhow.
So I decide to lean my back against the wall and close my eyes.
It felt so god damn nice to close these eyes.
Though it might sound odd how I’d be down for a nap on the metro instead of back home, I guess it’s because I don’t think anyone would attack me if I’m on the metro?
It’s a public space.
Where a thief could break in at home and go after me if I was asleep in a private area.
But that’s my thought process anyhow.
Plus, as I said, I didn’t have anything on me for the ride.
So I tried taking a nap.
You know what happened next?
I probably had my eyes closed for 10 minutes or so.
Looking very asleep (though I wasn’t).
And I was just on THE VERGE of falling unconscious.
Just ONE SECOND away.
I could FEEL the relief sweeping over me as I could FINALLY get MAYBE some sleep.
Not real sleep but something to make me feel not as tired for when I arrive back to my place.
Then I felt it.
You have to be fucking joking.
I felt a hand on my thigh.
It was a strong touch.
You know? I can be a bit angry if I am being forced to stay awake longer than I want or if I don’t get enough sleep.
So I almost fell asleep…
Then I felt someone touch me very noticeably.
Thankfully, I didn’t have a knife on me.
And, also thankfully, the person who touched me wasn’t trying to steal from me.
Though that was my first thought that hit my head the millisecond that I felt the touch.
I felt it.
The mind sparks.
The eyes snap open.
A rush of energy flows through my body.
And I almost jumped forward off the seat as I grunted out loud “JESUS CHRIST!”
My anger coming from two points: the fact that I am TIRED AS FUCK and the fact that I immediately thought that someone was going to dig through my pockets for something as it was an obvious touch around my pockets.
As you can see here, it happens on the metro!
Sorprenden a mujer mientras robaba a hombre en el Metro
And the hand touch was right above my pocket as I said.
When I grunted out loudly “JESUS CHRIST,” I could see this short ass skinny medium brown dude look taken aback.
His face looked “the fuck did I do?” in a concerned way.
And I see on my leg some chocolate bar.
Then I felt a little bit embarrassed – “OK, Matt, let’s not overreact here. It’s just a chocolate bar. Not a faggot ass thief.”
I did feel a little bit embarrassed for the overreaction.
I immediately gave the dude his chocolate bar back before he walked away as he was still looking at me over his shoulder.
And continued to look back at me as he walked away.
For those who have never been in Mexico City before, you have some hustlers who place candy on the legs of EVERYONE in the metro.
Then they do the walk back to take back the candy or any money for it.
As I closed my eyes again, it did actually annoy me slightly that this dude woke me up from almost sleeping.
I just remember thinking “why the fuck would he think that I’d buy his chocolate if it clearly looks like I’m sleeping?”
Did he not see me leaning again the wall with my eyes closed?
And, as I said, I was only ONE SECOND from falling asleep.
I clearly looked the part.
How many sleeping people do you see buying chocolate?
It’s moments like these where you do genuinely wonder what the IQ of the average person in Mexico is.
You really fucking think I’m going to buy your god damn chocolate when I appear to be sleeping?
How retarded are you?
Never finished middle school, faggot?
Do you ask strangers to shake your 2 inch dick for you when taking a piss at a public urinal?
Anyway, I moved on quickly.
Tried to sleep again as I said!
However, I wasn’t tired after thinking someone tried digging through my pockets.
So I opened my eyes after a few minutes when I realized that I’m not falling asleep.
Similar to the ride south, this ride up north was having technical issues as the train kept stopping randomly.
Despite the great annoyance of being tired as fuck and not being able to sleep when I want, I did find something funny.
Something that you can see in this photo that I took here.
You know we are in a metro, right?
Full of LOTS of people.
Everyone wearing a face mask (which makes me sweat like hell sometimes).
Without any air conditioning on this metro.
And here’s a guy who is wearing A COAT.
I just laughed inside my head.
There are subtle differences to life down here versus back home.
it’s a normal difference anyhow.
Someone from Florida has a different sense of cold and heat versus someone from Ohio.
Same with Mexicans.
I understood what I was seeing but just found it funny that this dude felt it was necessary to wear a coat in the metro full of people in Mexico while wearing a mask.
How he isn’t sweating his ass off, I have no idea.
Even his mom was wearing heavier clothing?
What is this?
The family of the deserts of Saudi Arabia where anything below 90 degrees is Antarctica?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But what can I say?
Difference in attitudes towards cold and heat.
Anyway, I eventually found myself back to my neighborhood.
The ride took about 2 hours when you factor in time to get the huarache and the random stops.
Back to Lindavista
Once I arrived, I bought some Halls cough drops.
And opened the door to the apartment building.
As usual, the house dog JUMPS all over me SUPER EXCITED to see me back home.
I close the door.
And decide to about 5 liters of tea with my huarache to eat while I wait for the cleaning lady to show up.
It came to my realization at this point that the landlord isn’t even in the house.
He’s actually on vacation.
I have no idea.
But he’s been gone all weekend.
So, in theory, I guess maybe I could’ve left the door to the apartment building locked?
Because there’s only one other woman who lives here and she is at work.
The landlord gone?
I could’ve gone to bed.
The landlord would’ve surely been texting me to let her in but I’d be asleep.
Of course, he’d assume that I was ignoring his messages or something.
Which would’ve been partly true.
He texted me to let her in before anyhow.
So I assume he would do so here also.
And I could’ve gone asleep!
If he’s out of town, he can’t let her in!
I could’ve fucking slept!
And all of this would’ve not happened.
The stupid ass metro ride, being forced to stay up hours past when sleep, etc.
Anyway, I did contemplate maybe not letting her in and sleeping when I realized that he was on vacation.
But I decided against it since she was showing up in an hour anyway.
Might as well get it over with.
So she shows up.
I hear someone yelling at the door “MATEO?! MATEO?!”
Which, for those who don’t know, sometimes I tell locals down here to call me “Mateo” because it’s not uncommon for some of them to fuck up the pronunciation of “Matt” somehow.
I hear someone yelling “Mateo” anyhow.
I get up to unlock the door.
When I saw her, you know I couldn’t be irritated at her.
She’s simply doing her job.
This is what she is paid to do.
Though I did contemplate bribing her to leave my room alone for all future visits.
“I know the landlord is an autistic faggot who was never taught how to clean his own room because his parents are genetically disabled and doubts that any grown ass adult can do so alone. But can I give you like 100 pesos to leave my room alone in the future so I can fucking sleep?”
Oddly enough, I never made the request.
Probably because this occasion of being forced to stay awake has pushed me to looking for a new place already.
Anyway, I couldn’t be mad at her as I said.
She’s simply doing her job and she is a nice lady.
She cleans the room.
Asks me basic questions like “how did you learn Spanish? Do you like Mexico?”
The room was then clean.
How much dirt did she find sweeping?
Just enough to cover the palm of one hand from an entire room.
Most of it from right next to my computer desk.
Worth keeping me up for 4 hours (when you count her cleaning time)?
This was retarded as shit.
I already clean my own room as I said.
I don’t fucking need to lose hours of sleep every 2 weeks so she can find a tiny bit of dust or dirt that I missed a few days prior.
But I get it’s not her fault.
She’s hired to do a job and that’s it.
Anyway, she knew I was past my time to sleep as she asked what do I do for a living to work so late.
Which I said “work with clients around the world for a business.”
The truth is that I don’t need to stay up late at night but I prefer to work at night for various reasons.
That’s just how I am.
So I finally went to bed.
About 2 hours later, I woke up.
There was someone knocking on my door “Mateo!!! Mateo?!?!”
Didn’t I just tell this bitch that I was going to sleep and that I hadn’t slept all night?
The knocking intensifies.
I didn’t make a noise.
Just laid in my bed thinking to myself “are people in Mexico this fucking retarded?”
I get most aren’t.
But you do have moments where the retardation of the local is so stunningly great that you can’t believe what you are witnessing.
I just told this bitch that I’m sleeping after not having slept ALL FUCKING NIGHT WORKING.
And I was working – just not with Chinese businesspeople.
She yelled something about how she doesn’t have the keys to lock the door.
I made sure to not lock it when she came in so that she could leave without having to unlock it.
And I figured the other woman who lives here could lock it while I’m sleeping.
But I wasn’t going to fuck stay awake for a few more hours as I CRASHED asleep the second she left.
She left after her last round of yelling my Spanish version name.
And, as I wrote here, sometimes you just have to laugh at stupid shit.
Not be so angry or annoyed about it.
When she left, I actually did find it a little bit humorous.
Mostly just thinking, as I said, about how dumb some people can be down here.
She is a nice woman though!
Not at all rude.
Pleasant to be around.
She did one dumb thing but it’s understandable why she knocked on the door.
Still frustrating though.
Learn to Laugh
But, as I said, you just got to learn to laugh at some of the dumb things that happen in life down here.
All the while drinking more brandy and listening to the rhythm of this song here as I’m listening to it now.
Benny More -- Santa Isabel de Las Lajas
I believe the rhythm flows right for life in Latin America.
It’s slow but fast enough.
A good pace.
Flow through life in Latin America.
Take the dumb shit that happens but learn to brush it off quickly.
As I write this, I’m not annoyed anymore whatsoever about that Friday and that was 3 days ago almost.
It’s almost slightly funny some of the dumb shit that happened.
Let it roll off you.
Appreciate the humor you can find in the dumb moments.
And enjoy the better things in life.
Life moves on.
It’s your choice to stay frustrated or move on.
Like if you were at a nightclub full of people and accidently stepped on someone’s foot.
That person can choose to get angry and start something to appear “tough” in front of his Tinder date.
Or you both can move on enjoying the music with mojitos included.
Ideally some big Latina titties included afterwards when you bring her home.
Big Latina Titties, You Say?
Las Reinas Del Barrio ♡Exclusive Remix♡ Sin Senos No Hay Paraiso
At any rate, I fell asleep for another few hours but woke up again easily enough.
I think it was because my body wasn’t used to sleeping at these hours.
So I woke up fully awake, got a pizza and relaxed to some music all night not having to work.
Went back for a full sleep at the usual hours I do.
And back to enjoying life.
At least for another 2 weeks.
Well, hopefully I’ll be around to finding a new place by then.
But life moves on regardless!
Grab your mojitos.
And thanks for reading.
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