So today was a pretty boring day in Latin America.
Mexico specifically as some of you already know.
As I wrote here, it’s not uncommon to have boring days.
It’s been even more boring recently because I quit drinking for a tiny bit and I’m on day 6 now of not drinking.
Still, it’s nice not waking up hung over.
I read online that if you wait 6 weeks that supposedly the liver repairs itself covering most of the damage you would typically expect if you haven’t done any permanent damage.
And between reading random articles like that…
I’ve also been listening to music like this below.
Mostly because, as I said, I didn’t have much going on today.
Anyway, while I was watching that, I got thinking about a phone call I had recently.
Roughly once a year around summer time, I get a specific type of phone call from someone in the family.
It’s always roughly around the months between April to July.
Where some random family member (mom, dad, sister) will call me and give me the hour long pitch as to why I should leave Latin America already.
And come back to Iowa.
As I wrote here, it’s not unusual for everyone back home to think you’ve gone bad shit insane for moving to a country that they consider to be a shit hole.
In my first year in Mexico, the reasoning for why I should move back was because “well, I thought this would only be a phase that would last a year and that’s it.”
Which was weird for me to hear because I already had 2 years under my belt beforehand.
In the second year? – “Matt, it’s dangerous and you need a 9-5 career!”
In the third year? – “CORONAVIRUS WILL KILL YOU!!!!”
In which both my dad and my sister called me up concerning the coronavirus news.
With my sister getting so pissed off that I wouldn’t listen to her that she stopped talking with me for maybe 9 or 10 months?
And what about the fourth year?
So far, I haven’t gotten the call yet from my parents.
From my perspective, I think my mom has kinda accepted the writing on the wall.
She is still concerned though that my current job occupation of earning affiliate money from telling dudes online to go jerk off to cam models isn’t the most professional career.
She might have a point…
So she’s been trying to convince me to apply for a job with the US State Department – a job I don’t think I’d get if they ever ran across this blog.
Pretty confident the US State Department doesn’t want a representative of America to Latin America while sometimes shit talking about Latin America online.
And other things too that make me think my mom has, for the most part, pretty much accepted reality.
I feel like he’s kinda accepted it also but less so than my mom.
Though he still has deep reservations about it, I feel he’s taken on more of the idea of “well, Matt is all grown up and he knows where I stand.”
But I could see him writing me about it but I doubt it.
It’d have to be some major thing like another pandemic to scare him into calling me this year.
Or something major like the cartels kidnapping the Mexican president and gangraping him on national TV.
That might look scary to the average parent with a kid living abroad.
Though, as I said, I did get a call this year!
This time from my sister.
Seems like she has taken on the role this year.
In fact, she called me twice!
One of those calls, a few months ago, when she inquired about my long term plans.
And it came clear to her that I don’t have any plans on returning to living a full life in the US.
In which I have plans for quite the opposite – travel around Latin America.
To the DR, Brazil, Colombia, etc.
When i said that, there was a silence on the phone where I think she was taking it in.
“Oh, he’s serious about living there long term.”
And, with that, perhaps a realization that we won’t see each other much outside of whenever I visit home for the holidays essentially.
Which is a realization I’ve had as you can read about here.
Where you realize that time abroad is obviously time away from family.
And, at any moment, one of those family members could die.
Meanwhile, even if the closer family members do live a long life….
You choosing to live abroad really cuts down the amount of time you will ever have with those family members.
Let’s say, for example, my sister and I live for another 60 years.
If I go back home twice a year for a week per visit, that’s 120 weeks I have left with my sister.
Given there are 52 weeks in a year, that means that, in theory, I have 2.3 years left on this planet being with my sister in real life.
And, realistically speaking, the real number would be a lot less than 120 weeks given I normally only see my sister anyway for like maybe 1 to 2 days out of those individual weeks.
Much less for my parents obviously who probably have another 20 to 30 years left.
Shit, maybe less – you never know.
Of course, I could double the numbers here – why not spend two weeks per visit back home?
Granted, if I were to ever have kids, I feel it’d be trickier to have extended periods of time back home.
I could do even a month nowadays.
But I feel doing two months back home every year would be a bit unlikely if there is a wife and kids living in Latin America.
Well, it’s a sacrifice anyway when it comes to living abroad.
Reminds me of an aunt and uncle that I began to know about 15 or so years ago…
Who left the US to live in the Soviet Union and Saudi Arabia due to work the uncle had with the US State Department…
Came back to the US in retirement years and all but, from my knowledge, didn’t know too many people when they came back.
You know – parents are gone and other individuals they probably knew in their younger years.
But, as I said, it’s a sacrifice.
Leaving behind folks who will disappear from your life completely (some friends) to giving up lots of time you would have had otherwise with others (family members).
Among other thing you have to sacrifice also that I’ve written about elsewhere on this blog.
But, in my moment of being bored out of mind today, I got thinking about that annual phone call with my sister.
Which was funny when it started because she promised initially that this “wasn’t going to be one of those phone calls.”
And, to be fair, it was a little bit different.
In that instead of trying to persuade me about how life down here is so shit and I must go back home…
She instead tried to present it as an opportunity for why life in America can be nicer.
Perhaps with the knowledge in her head that:
- I, like others, are persuaded to live in a country like Mexico due to, in part, the low cost of living (financial reason).
- That it becomes less desirable to move back after you’ve spent enough years abroad in which you get accustomed to life in the new country and would maybe feel a little bit out of place in some respect if you were to move back.
So she started off by talking about all of the nice healthcare jobs that exist in Iowa.
Particularly for those who can do translation work with English and Spanish.
Where, according to her, someone could easily make what her friend Megan makes with a 50,000 dollar salary on Day 1.
Which, if we are doing strict finances, that could likely put my finances in better position.
As of right now, I only make slightly north of 2,000 a month.
But my living costs are 600 to 700 bucks a month and I have certain tax benefits with living abroad in Mexico.
On the other hand, 50,000 is more than double what I make a year easily.
Granted, taxes would be higher and cost of living to a degree.
I’d also have to work for someone else.
With commute, 9-5, colleagues, boss, etc.
Having the stress of being in healthcare where my current work involves sitting in my underwear playing with porn affiliate links.
Would have less time for local women to touch my 19 inch dick also.
That’d be a shame.
Plus, I wouldn’t be able to travel the world a little bit more.
On top of that, I really don’t want to live in the cold in Iowa again – with snow and all.
Finally, living down here where cost of living is so low and where I can work whatever hours I want…
For those who have read my more personal articles, that also helps me be a little bit happier in life for reasons I won't get into here.
And, all around, I’m just used to life here.
Got more friends here now.
Don’t have a bone in my body that wants to move back.
Even though, objectively speaking, I could make more money back home if that 50,000 number is true.
Because, from what I imagine, I’d assume obviously that number would go up over time and would be a net positive overall.
Regardless, I understand where my sister is coming from.
Knowing her, I think it’s more of a “I Miss You” thing than anything else and a desire to want to see me more.
Especially given that I haven’t been back in the US for almost a year and a half now.
But, being bored today, I got thinking about that last phone call roughly an hour ago or so…
And it got me off my ass to write this article on a new relevant topic….
“Why I Would Leave Latin America?”
What are the reasons?
Could anything bring me back?
A worldwide pandemic that scares the living shit out of everybody and crashes economies to near Depression levels?
Cartels trying to kill the local police chief in a major gunfight in my own city as you can see here?
Someone trying to stab me as you can read here?
The cops extorting me for money?
Well, god fucking damn it.
If none of that will bring me back….
I don’t know.
But that’s why I’m writing this article.
On top of my head, here are some things that I think could make me come back to America.
Reason 1: Different Life Stage
This is an interesting one that has come to mind.
When I was 15 or 16, I had absolutely no desire to live in Latin America.
I didn’t give a rats ass about this region.
Why did I ever come here?
Well, to keep it short, I really wanted to get the fuck out of Iowa due to family reasons back when I was about 17…
So I went to Ohio.
And Ohio did the trick.
But when I was in Ohio, I discovered a bunch of travel funding opportunities that basically shot my ass into Latin America.
And I got used to it.
So here I am.
And I like it.
But, going back to when I was 15, not in a million fucking years would I imagine that I would have done all the traveling that I have done in the following decade and more.
Where, as of this writing, I’ve been to at least 30 countries in my life so far.
Spent 6 years of life living abroad.
Yeah, my life is pretty fucking different nowadays than what it was before I turned 18.
When I think about it, it still blows my mind how different my life has become.
In ways that you can’t imagine – many of them extremely personal.
Anyway, I imagine, on one hand, that a continued life down here will only cement my future here.
For the reasons above that you simply get accustomed to it.
More so with each year passing.
So you simply never go back.
On the other hand, I hesitate to say that “I will never go back home EVEEEEEEEER!”
I don’t fucking know.
I know I don’t have a single bone in my body to go back right now or in the foreseeable future.
But I also know that 15 year old me would never have imagined what my life would be like today or what would happen over the next decade and more.
So I can’t tell you what my life will be like when I’m 40.
So that’s what I mean by “different life stage.”
Maybe when I get older, I’ll simply have a different life stage that motivates me heavily to go back.
What could such a stage look like?
Well, here’s an idea…
Reason 2: Having Children
Now, as of this writing, I have absolutely no bone in my body to ever have children.
Being honest, I just don’t have any desire to be a father with all the responsibilities of such.
The only time I feel differently is when I’m balls deep inside some random hookup chick from Tinder…
And there is that moment where you are thrusting your 34 inch dick inside her and you are thrusting faster and faster….
You think to yourself “fucking slut, I’m going to breed YOUUUUUU!"
And you thrust faster and faster.
To the moment where you have the biological desire to nut inside her.
But then a voice screams in your head “CHILD SUPPORT MOTHERFUCKER!”
Then you get scared and you immediately pull out.
Surprisingly, the fear of 18 years of payments doesn’t make my 21 inch dick go limp.
But I have lots of testosterone so I never go limp.
It’s a thought.
What would I do if I ever got a chick pregnant?
If I fell in love and wanted to marry someone to have a family with down here?
I don’t know for myself personally.
But I know of a few guys like that.
For example, there’s a guy known as Colin from a great website called Expat Chronicles that you can read here.
Where, in that article, he explains how, in part, having children was a motivation to go back to the US.
Among other reasons from what I remember in other blog posts that had to do with things like business for example.
Here’s a quote from that article that I really like:
“By the time I made it to three years, I noticed another feature of gringos throwing in the towel on Latin America: children. And that’s what got me, the need for education and a big house in a nice part of town. The adults told you all your life that having children changes everything. And I’ll tell you now, they were right. They were right all along.”
First, I like this article a bit because it shows the mindset and motivations of another American who has lived in Latin America for a longer period of time than I have.
Who is at a different life stage with children to take care.
It is interesting to get that type of perspective.
But also another thing I like that about that quote is the last sentence – “they were right all along.”
That is, funny enough, an observation I’ve had already regarding some of the concerns my parents have about my time down here right now.
Where they have been concerned about my safety down here given the reputation Mexico and Latin America more broadly has of being a very dangerous place.
It’s easy to brush off those concerns and go “ah well, I’ll be alright. I’m young and invincible. Nothing will happen to me!”
Then, as you get older, you do contemplate that aspect of life – having children someday.
And you realize, similarly enough, that “they were right all along.”
All of a sudden, I get it more and more.
If you were to ask me this question – “Matt, would you feel comfortable raising your future children in Mexico?”
No. I wouldn’t.
Simply put, I wouldn’t want to put at risk the life of my own future children if I were to ever have them.
Even though, yes, plenty of parents raise children just fine in this country without any problems whatsoever!
I’m not interested.
To me, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that even though I feel perfectly comfortable with my own safety.
As I wrote here anyway on this same subject, the only countries where I would honestly feel fine enough raising children in are Chile, Argentina and Uruguay.
Simply because, from what I have seen, those countries look nice enough and not too dangerous.
Even though you do have other countries, like Paragauy, that are safe also.
But, being honest, I don’t want to live in Paraguay as I wrote here.
It’s too poor for me, too much like Iowa and I’m simply not interested in that country.
If I wanted one of the poorer Latin countries to live in that doesn’t tax worldwide income, I’d pick Nicaragua.
It’s closer to home and has more volcanoes for me to hike.
Plus, Nicaraguan music is probably better than Paraguayan music or something (who knows).
It’s true though also that this is all Ivory League talk.
“If you could pick a Latin country to raise children in, which would it be?”
Like you have the choice from the get-go?
Granted, in theory, you do to a degree.
You can, in theory, pick a country to move to and then keep an open mind to finding someone to raise a family with.
And, being honest, Chile is a country I have a deeper interest that has nothing to do with how safe it is for raising children.
Because, as I said, I don’t have a bone in my body right now to raise children.
And not sure if I ever will.
But Chile does have many other nice things about it that I really like.
Regardless, like I tried to imply there, life just happens sometimes.
For example, I know another guy who is like me actually.
Has lived in Mexico as long as I have roughly.
Is roughly my age also.
From the US.
And, in his case, it’s quite funny or ironic actually.
He used to talk about how he “doesn’t think it's a good idea to have mixed race children because they will have identity issues."
Making him think that, as he gets closer to 30, it'd be better to go back home to find a chick to raise a family with up in the US.
That was just his opinion anyway.
Which is even more ironic given a large part of his motivation to live in Mexico has been to basically have sex with any woman that moves.
Anyway, as I said, he has been getting closer to 30 and was thinking of moving back home.
Back to West Virginia, buy some property for a self-sustainable farm and have kids with a good ol’ American gal!
Then life hit him.
He fell in love.
And the girl he is in love with is a Mexican chick who is not necessarily the whitest chick in the country…
But he has overcome his previous belief about having a mixed race kid it seems…
And, all of a sudden, he is thinking of a long term future in Mexico.
Though, to be fair, he is still in the “I’m not sure where we’ll raise any future kids.”
But he is talking about kids!
I think he’s in the honeymoon phase to be honest.
About a month or two after being with her, he was already telling me about how “he sees himself marrying her in a year and having kids.”
Well shit – love strikes hard.
So, as I said, you don’t really “plan out” necessarily in perfect fashion where or with who you’ll have kids with.
And maybe he will one day have kids with her….
With the future of his children on the line….
He might conclude that “it’s better to raise them back home in the US.”
Not everyone takes their children back to the US.
I just know that, for me personally, I’d have strong reservations about raising kids in Mexico.
Until the cartel situation isn’t crazy where these groups can’t just fuck up an entire part of Mexico over night in a competition to control drug routes into the US….
It’s going to be a hard no from me.
Either way, this is one reason I could imagine that could send me back to the US.
Being if I ever to ever have children in a country that I deem undesirable for raising a family in.
Some countries down here look to me, on the surface, to be decent places for that….
And others make me understand a little bit easier the concern my parents had regarding my safety being down here all these years.
Anyway, are there other reasons for why I’d go back?
Reason 3: All the Good Options Gone
In the 20th century, you had various Latin countries basically just implode from the inside at various moments.
For example, all the shit Chile went under during the chaos under Salvador Allende and then the following Pinochet dictatorship.
To the civil wars in certain countries like Nicaragua for example.
Civil wars, dictatorships…
What isn’t there to love?
Now, as the world is changing….
You can read this article here about how China is trying to grow its influence in Latin America.
I remember in college how I had to read about China trying to grow a “Nicaragua Canal” to compete with the Panama Canal basically…
Which brings up an interesting thought…
What if we see a similar repeat of what happened in Latin America during the 20th century?
With a new Cold War that involves the US and China basically funding different regimes or revolutionary groups here and there…
Causing certain countries to basically implode.
We already have Venezuela.
That’s imploded for various reasons.
Even though it used to be one of the richer countries in Latin America.
So it’s a thought experiment….
Will there ever be a time where all the nicer countries implode down here?
Where they all get hit around the same time with economic collapse, dictatorships, civil wars, etc?
And would that make me go back home finally?
Well, the first issue probably.
In my life time, I’m sure some of the countries down here will probably get fucked up heavily.
First off, climate change will probably do that for a few countries.
With hurricanes getting more intense and more frequent….
Places like Puerto Rico, the DR, Cuba, and some countries in Central America like Nicaragua are bound to get more heavily fucked up.
As we’ve already seen examples of in recent years.
And political and economic crises?
I know that there is an election coming up in Peru!
I’m not at all familiar with the politics of that country though.
But I know a guy who lives in Peru who has sent me messages on Telegram warning how “Peru is going to be the next Venezuela!!!”
I’m not saying it will be but that’s often a repeated talking point you hear in Latin America these days….
Where anytime you have an aspiring presidential candidate who happens to be on the left running for office with a chance to win….
It always seems to me like everyone and their grandma is worried that “this candidate will turn us into the second Venezuela!!”
As I wrote here, we had a huge protest in Mexico City on my last birthday where the protesters had that exact concern about Mexican President AMLO.
Well, as of right now, it doesn’t feel like I’m in Venezuela.
Especially when I compare my life here to what I saw in Maracaibo as you can read here.
Anyway, it’s definitely possible for so many of my favorite countries down here to implode around the same time.
Mexico, Colombia, Chile, etc…
But would it make me go back home if that happened?
The global fear of the Coronavirus didn’t.
The cartels trying to kill the police chief of Mexico City didn’t.
And, being honest, I can be a little bit crazy at times.
If a civil war were to break out in Mexico…
It’s tough to say what I’d do.
Well, no bullshit, I probably would go to another country if I was thinking logically.
On the other hand, there is a part of me that likes crazy.
I love experiences.
If I could get a front row seat to the next Mexican Revolution of our century….
With our own version of Porfirio Diaz and Emiliano Zapata….
Well fuck me with a pogo stick.
You know, I might just fucking stay.
Because that is an experience of a century.
If I survived, I could tell my grandchildren that I lived through a civil war…
Imagine all the insane blog posts I could put on here about it?
Fuck the blog posts – I could even write a book about it.
And it’d make me at least 10 bucks on Amazon….
Those 10 dollars could absolutely cover a month’s worth of black tea also!
And I fucking love black tea.
I could see it now….
Writing the 21st century of “Los de Abajo.”
Which was a great book on the first Mexican Revolution in the last century.
Except my book would obviously be better.
On the other hand, if my sister wouldn’t talk with me for 10 months because I refused to go back home due to the Coronavirus scare…
I can’t fucking imagine the anger coming from her if I chose to live through a revolution/civil war in Mexico.
If I had to guess, that’ll probably be a 11 month stay in purgatory with her….
At least 11 months.
Either way, I could definitely see most of Latin America imploding as a reason to go back home.
Especially as there are some countries down here that I couldn’t see myself living in long term if they were my only options left if the rest of Latin America crumbled…
What are those countries?
On top of my head, I’d say Uruguay, Paraguay, Cuba, Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Venezuela and Puerto Rico.
Now, I know Puerto Rico isn’t technically a country….
Which is why I scratched it off.
Why live in Puerto Rico when it’s a territory of the US?
Makes it seem less interesting.
So screw Puerto Rico.
And, by that logic, I guess all of Latin America wouldn't work if the whole region became an official territory of the US,
Then you have Venezuela for obvious reasons of safety and all.
Cuba being I’m American and it would be hard to live there.
Uruguay and Paraguay because I might as well live in Iowa at that point.
Guatemala because, as I wrote here, I never liked Guatemala.
People try scamming you there way too much in my experience and it’s fucking annoying.
Plus, it’s boring and not interesting to me.
Hondruas and El Salvador? Nothing against those countries but they never seemed interesting to me.
So if those were literally the last remaining Latin countries I could move to that weren’t destroyed by internal chaos…
Fuck, I might go back to the US then.
OK, you got me!
Are you happy now?!
Guatemala or the US?
The US any fucking day of the week.
Reason 4: An Insane Job Opportunity
While a 50,000 a year job isn’t very convincing to me right now…
Especially as there wouldn’t be any guarantee I’d get it…
But, to be fair, my sister had pretty sound logic when she gave her annual pitch this year about why I should go back.
She was smarter about how to convince me.
But 50,000 doesn’t sound very appetizing to me.
If, any one of you reading this, wants to throw at me a job paying 6 figures…
Let’s say 200,000 a year.
I’ll move back.
Though, being honest, I don’t know if I’d last forever away from Latin America while doing such a position.
But for 200,000 a year?
I could save a lot more money at a much quicker pace with that income.
Given how frugal I naturally am, I could maybe see myself pocketing a 100,000 a year after tax and annual expenses with that?
Granted, I have no idea how bad taxes in the US would fuck me up the ass with Uncle Sam’s 73 inch dick.
I’ve heard some folks pay taxes north of 50% when you factor in local and state tax also.
So I have no idea.
But if someone were to offer me a job that gave me, in theory, 100,000 in savings per year after tax and annual expenses…
I’d definitely take up on that.
At least for 5 years so I can have half a million dollars.
Would I do it for any longer?
Well, this is like the section under “children” where Matt the Ivory Tower guy is talking out of his ass again….
Easy to say I would give it up after 5 years.
I know that, for some folks, you simply get sucked into the job you have.
Get accustomed to it like you get accustomed to life in Latin America as a “expat.”
And then never leave.
Perhaps, if I did take on such a job, I’d fall in love like that guy I mentioned and just settle down.
Then the wife gets bitchy and goes “MAKE MORE MONEY, FUCKER!!”
And I weep “I’m sorry!” while she kicks me out of the house to sleep in the car until I bring home 300,000 a year and not 200,000….
Anything is possible!
But, in all seriousness, I’d like to imagine that I’d take on such a job for a short period of time.
Make that 500,000 and then bail back to Latin America.
I could have a pretty dope life in Latin America on 500,000 in savings….
What would I do with such money?
Hookers and Cocaine Lottery Guy
Reason 5: Retirement in the North
This is perhaps similar to Reason 1….
But I figured I’d make it a separate reason to clarify on this type of thing specifically…
Which is that I could see a future in which I’m 80 or whatever with some wife…
And we decide to move to the US in retirement.
Would be very similar to that uncle and aunt I mentioned that spent decades living in the Soviet Union and Saudi Arabia….
And traveling to a whole host of other countries like Guatemala for example…
Before ultimately retiring in Iowa basically in their final days before they both died.
And, to be fair, the US does seem like a nicer place to live in if you are very old and want a more comfortable life.
Though, on the other hand, if I were to ever raise children in Latin America…
Well, I got to fit in with the locals right?
I ain’t going to no fuckin retirement home….
Over the years living down here, I’ve seen some locals in countries like Bolivia bring their parents in to live with them in their final days…
Which, actually, now that I think about it, seems like a good motivation to have a bunch of kids.
Find a nice Nicaraguan woman…
Get her pregnant 20 times…
With 20 children (or 40 if they are all twins), I’m sure at least one of them can take care of us in our older age.
Which does save money on retirement homes!
Those institutions can eat up a lot of your savings!
Well, I guess I better move to Nicaragua now!
Even though, from what I’ve seen, I suspect that maybe it’ll be more common for folks to go into retirement homes in the decades to come down here.
Maybe – things change, you know?
But I have no idea.
In all seriousness, I could see it happening…
That older age in your final years being a motivation to move back.
By then, now that I think about it, I actually do hope I’d have a nice Chilean gal to keep me company.
Someone who I can play Grand Theft Auto with in our final days.
That’d be pretty dope.
Any Other Reasons?
If I ever was to leave Latin America, I guess a question that comes up would be….
Would I ever go to another region like Europe or Asia?
Honestly, I can’t see it happening.
Nothing personal against those regions but I have nothing that motivates me to want to live in either area.
Though I do know Europe a tiny bit – If I had to live there, I’d go with maybe Portugal or Greece.
Or Spain maybe – wouldn’t have to learn a new language at least.
Hmmmm……tapas in Barcelona….
Anyway, this article is already pretty long.
And I figured I covered the most obvious reasons that I’ve always considered that would drive me back home.
At least what comes to mind regarding what would be most persuasive to me personally.
But I don’t know….
Anything I missed?
Is there anything you guys can think of as a good reason to move back?
To be fair, I guess one doesn’t really need a good reason though do they?
As I wrote here, it’s perfectly fine for someone to move back for any reason.
Life down here can be just a chapter in your life that you are ready to turn the page on.
Or be the final chapter.
Whatever works best for you.
As for me, I’m not opposed to it.
I definitely see life changes that could bring me back in the future.
Though, as I said, I don’t have a bone in my body to move back right now or for the foreseeable future.
But anything is possible!
In the same way that 15 year old me did not have any idea whatsoever that this would be my life right now.
Go with the flow.
Queens of the Stone Age -- Go With the Flow
Make the best of it.
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Thanks for reading and for your time.