All you need to know about Iberian America

The Scary Ass Vatos in Calles Extraños of Iztapalapa

Published October 1, 2022 in Health & Safety , Mexico - 1 Comment

A few days ago, I was sitting inside my apartment having some vodka and listening to some music.

These days, I've been going to bed at around 7 or 8 PM because I've been waking up to get shit done very early.

At any rate, this night was not a night to be going to bed early.

An old Mexican friend of mine that I've known since my first few months in Mexico years ago texted me.

She wanted to hang out.

A lot of times, hanging out with her in the last few years has meant watching a movie and maybe a blowjob.

But, outside of blowjobs (if they happen or not), I do like the company.

I give her the address to my new place.

She knows I move around a lot so she always has to ask "where am I now?"

When she gets here, she begins texting me like 20 messages a second.

For some odd reason, she seems scared or intimidated.

I grab my keys and walk downstairs to see what's going on.

Keep in mind that we are in Iztapalapa of Mexico City (which has a dangerous reputation).

But the street I am on doesn't look that bad compared to other parts of Iztapalapa.

And it was like 6 PM.

Still plenty of sunshine outside!

Still, as I wrote about here, it hasn't been the first time that people got scared to visit me in this specific area.

Where, as you can see here, I literally have a 50% success rate in getting Uber Eats to deliver food to me.

And that's not an exaggeration.

Literally 50%.

Half of them will cancel once they pick up the food and see where my address is.

Others, as you see above, will ask first in what part of Iztapalapa I live in and then cancel right away when I tell them.

But, if I'm being honest, it isn't THAT bad on my specific street.

I've been here for a month now and my worst issue has been the street dogs that bark at me.

Anyway, Angie showed up.

Once I get outside, I immediately begin laughing because I see what the danger is.

I couldn't help it.

I knew who the dudes were that she was intimidated by and knew that probably there were no issues.

I don't know them personally that well as I've only been here for a month but they are usually pretty chill.

They were standing across the street a little bit north of us and were just standing against a wall smoking pot.

The Devil's Plant.

But just chilling overall!

Not causing problems.

They're pretty skinny too so, without a gun or knife (which they might have), they aren't that much of a threat.

Without a gun or a knife assumingly.

Anyway, Angie gets out of her Uber and immediately begins telling me "apurate!!!"

Meaning "hurry up" or "get inside the house already" as she was trying to convey to me.

She didn't want to be outside when those scary ass vatos are outside too.

We get inside anyway.

And, to be fair to Angie, I'll admit I was a tiny bit intimidated too when I first moved here.

It was late at night at around 10 or 11 PM (or whatever time it was) and my Uber drove onto the street with those exact same two vatos smoking the devil's plant outside.

Personally, I was a little bit concerned that they might try to steal my shit as I took all of my stuff from my last apartment to this one late at night.

They even gave me a weird look as I rolled in as they probably hadn't seen a gringo in the area before.

Still, they didn't say shit or do shit.

In fact, they soon walked back into their homes as I arrived.

On the Rooftops of Iztapalapa

Soon after, Angie and I get inside my room.

Then we get to the rooftop sometime after.

At my place, they have a really nice view of the neighborhood.

You can see Cerro de la Estrella as it's only a few minutes walking distance away (though not in the photo above).

On top of that, I genuinely enjoy just having an overview of the neighborhood with all the houses going on forever.

I don't mind that the neighborhood looks rough.

With rough looking houses or not, I always enjoyed that aspect of Mexico City where you can just appreciate how it goes on forever.

And a view like that always makes you want to get off your ass and go as far into the distance as you can.

See that mountain way, way in the back with all the houses invading it?

What is life like over there?

What cool people can I meet over there?

Any cool stories to be had?

Any little festivals they have in their streets?

Maybe a nice lady who cooks gorditas in the street, speaks some indigenous language and who looks at your white ass thinking "AY GRINGO COCK GRINGO COCK ME GUSTA!"

....Something like that.

But it's one thing I've liked doing in Mexico City over the last year or two is to just visit those obscure areas of the city.

It's the reason why I moved to Iztapalapa.

It's why I was in Tlahuac before.

Let's do some different shit.

And, while on the rooftop of Iztapalapa, we have that view of those areas.

Angie, on her end, is not very impressed.

In her words, it "looks like a shithole."

Not that she was trying to be offensive but I guess she didn't appreciate the view like I could.

Which is ironic because, when we first met, she lived in a shithole also by Metro Consulado.

And I was living in Roma Norte.

Now the tables have turned.

She lives in a decent area by Metro Portales and now I am in Iztapalapa.

And, after enough time in these neighborhoods, I feel my life has become similar to a reggaeton music where. Specifically this one.

Zion Ft. Eddie Dee - Amor de Pobre [Video Oficial]

You just look at the rough neighborhood and think to yourself "no importa que la gente sepa que soy del barrio!!!"

Then Angie to your side says "no wey, eres de Iowa."

To which you respond "no Angie no, soy de los nacos. Del barrio fino. Aqui es mi gente!"

But I disagreed with her on it being a shithole.

OK, OK, OK -- yes, it's violent. Yes, it's poor. Yes, innocent women get femicided for no reason and chainsawed in half every single day by the scary ass vatos.

But there is always that "adventure" in me that doesn't give a fuck and wants to see it anyway.

Just because.

And you do look at all of those houses and just think of all of the people who live in them.

What stories do they have?

Wouldn't it be cool to meet them?

Well, you got to live there to do so!

Giving my own speech of "the Pale Blue Dot."

Where I was talking about how it's not really a shithole. Just imagine all the people who live there. The value in their lives. The cool stories they have. Those hot indigenous women who sell gorditas on the street that want GRINGO COCK.

All of them.

And I asked Angie -- "did you think, when you swiped right on me on Tinder, that you'd be sharing vodka with a gringo on a rooftop in Iztapalapa about 5 years later?"

She laughed and said no.

Soon after, the dogs of another building began barking at us.

Given how drunk I was, I began cussing them out.

Now I'm scared my neighbors think I argue with dogs.

On another rooftop in the distance, some old woman got onto the top to handle some laundry hanging around to dry.

I waved at her and yelled "buenas noches."

She smiled and seemed friendly. Yelled something back.

And Angie was worried about getting back in time.

Doubtful that we'd get an Uber to visit us in this area to take us back to her place by Metro Portales.

We finished some food back in my room.

She had some Pozole (which, while I think is OK but don't care for, does make my room smell nice as I like the smell of it) and I had some flautas.

Got my pants on.

Keys in hand.

And we headed back to her place for the night.

Away from those scary ass vatos.

Back at her place (which has been the same for two years now), I will say that it is quite nice.

She has decent door security and the building itself is actually pretty well put together.

"Damn, this place is nice" is always my thought when we get there.

And we get to the top of the building where we can enjoy a similar view of the city.

Granted, it's not exactly the same.

I didn't have my phone on me when we went so I didn't take a picture.

But it basically looked like the one of Iztapalapa above but where the neighborhood looks more developed, nicer roads, more street lights and less scary ass vatos.

In fact, as I looked down onto the street, I did not see one scary ass vato.

Impressive.

And that was the night.

We ended up watching this movie here.

The Shawshank Redemption 1994 - ending scene

Though I fell asleep for all of it except for the beginning where Andy is taken to jail and in the end when Red finds the latter under the tree.

Of course, when that scene occurs with Red saying "I hope to make it across the border, I hope to find my friend and shake his hand," it always hits me right in the heart.

Especially after enough vodka.

At any rate, it was a fun night.

Scary Ass Vatos on the Calles Extraños of CDMX

When I got back, I had some more vodka.

And, later in the day, went downstairs to take out the trash.

As I did, I saw the front door open and a bunch of dudes were drinking on the street right outside.

In the group included those scary ass vatos.

But they were -- like on any other occasion I've seen them now these days -- not so scary.

In fact, they waved at me and said "buenas tardes."

With smiles and all.

Smoking pot and drinking a few beers.

Scary, they were not.

But, to someone not familiar with them, I can see why they'd be scary.

Especially near midnight.

In fact, when living in another neighborhood, some other scary ass vatos almost tried robbing me as I wrote about here.

In short, you have to be careful on what streets you go down on when going to rougher areas.

Some do have, what I have been told, "calles extraños" where gang members and the like just stand outside chilling, selling drugs, sometimes robbing people, etc.

But I have never been robbed so far by them.

And, as I wrote here, some even helped me find an apartment building in another area over a year ago.

In fact, more often than not, the scary ass vatos are less scary and more confused when they see you show up and hang around.

Quite commonly they are nice to me though and don't start shit.

Unless I'm taking photos of them for Facebook.

Oddly enough, as I learned here, they don't like that.

Lesson learned.

But, when not doing that, they've always been chill with me and not too scary.

Anyway, that's all I got to say.

Leave any comments below in the comment section. 

And follow my Twitter here.

Thanks for reading.

Best regards,

Matt

1 comment

K - October 16, 2022 Reply

You are a great adventurer! And PROLIFIC!!! You have enough for a bookshelf: “Adventures in Iberian America: Volumes I-IX.” These are stories of great adventures that are relatable and allow the reader to live vicariously through a grand assortment of situations from the hilariously mundane to the erotic to the dangerous. Thank you!

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