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The Apartment List for Gringos in Latin America

Published October 15, 2021 in Mexico - 0 Comments

I’m often lazy with picking apartments to move into in Latin America.

If the place looks good on the surface, I usually just take it and move in right away.

Without checking better for anything that might be shit with the place.

A year ago or less, I remember talking with some Mexican chick on Whatsapp and she was surprised at quick I can move into a place.

“You don’t like uhhhh research it more before moving in?” she asked.

“No.” I responded.

If it looks good on the surface, I take my chances!

Personally, I feel one of the reasons why I take more chances is because there’s no rules in Mexico or Latin America broadly speaking.

If I don’t like a place, I can just not pay rent, take my deposit back and move the fuck out.

The landlord might wank his little dick off in anger going “GRINGO!! GRINGO!!! DONDE HAY MI DINERO GRINGO?!!?”

And I walk off.

If the place is so shit that I feel the need to do that anyway.

Which isn’t common.

One such place was one that had bed bugs that you can read about here.

And, as you can read here, one such place might be the one I just moved into in Lindavista area of Mexico City.

The place I’m in is honestly annoying enough that, after today, I’m thinking of moving the fuck out in a few weeks.

It sucks massive ass Uruguayan dick.

Like 9 inches of Uruguayan dick!

Eh, it’s not that bad but some might disagree after reading the description of it in this article I wrote here.

OK, it does suck dick.

But I tend to have a higher tolerance for shitty stuff in a place.

More of a “tough it out” mindset.

But, as I get older, the more I think that mindset is retarded as I could find a better place easily.

And, after my time in this new place, I’m contemplating as such going forward.

In which, as I do contemplate that, I do think to myself about the words of that random Mexican chick I mentioned before.

Her concern being how “I don’t investigate places as much as she does.”

Which, to be fair, I think she goes a bit overboard since she told me she spends months looking into a place before moving in.

I just think to myself – how the fuck do you get approved waiting months when someone likely took the spot beforehand?

Personally, I think she is the other extreme of it all.

But I could be wrong!

Back home, my sister was also amazed at how quickly I can move into a new place where she said that it takes her months to find a new place if needed.

Still, I stand by the idea that waiting months looking into options is simply going overboard.

But I never sought a place to rent in the US so it might be different up there.

Anyway, could there be a middle ground?

Where one doesn’t just move in all naively but doesn’t spend months either thinking it over.

That’s why this article exists.

It’s a working project.

Where, over time, I’ll just include more things that I should keep an eye for before moving into a new place in Latin America.

These are all just notes to myself personally that I can refer to before agreeing to a place.

You can use this list also but it’s really just for me.

Though if it helps you too, then cool!

Anyway, let’s get to it.

The Gringo List of Shit to Check

In no particular order!

First, ask the dude if he allows visits and all rules on visits.

No visits? No sex. And any limits on who can show up after certain hours in night? Any costs with visits over night or during the day?

Second, ask about the router. How old is it? New wifi tech? How many people use it? There’s some online website that can check wifi speed for free on the spot.

Here it is in this link here.

Third, check the sink and the shower for water. Ask to see if the shower water is actually hot and check the water coming out of the sink (to make sure it actually comes out).

Fourth, ask how the water gets hot. Boiler? Automatic? How is it?

Next, how’s the shower head? Does it look like it will shock you?

Fifth, CHECK THE FUCKING BED for bed bugs. If said Latino gets insecure with an inferiority complex at such a question, he’s a faggot. Check the bed.

Sixth, any pets in the house? Would be cool if there are.

Seventh, does the landlord live in the house?

Eighth, is there security at the front door? Do they check to see if you bring in lots of guests? Is the security male or female? How old?

Ninth, ask about the following:

  • How close is the nearest supermarket and street market? Where are they?
  • How close is the nearest public transportation (preferably metro)? What is it called?
  • How close is the nearest bar?

Tenth, is the landlord the type to flaunt his English at you? Think long term if you’d find that too annoying to listen to.

Eleventh, check the area for street food options. How good are they? How late do they stay open? The night walk test below will give some idea on that also.

Twelfth, does the place have laundry services? Does it cost extra?

Thirteenth, do the night walk test. Walk around at night by the area to see if it feels safe at night (preferably on a weekend night).

Fourteenth, where is the nearest gym? How many gyms? Do they accept money in cash or only card?

Fifteenth, is there a nearby university with cute single women? How big is it?

Sixteenth, is there some dude who can deliver water for you locally?

Seventeenth, check the place for plugins for electronics. Where are they located? Nicely located for work and sleep?

Eighteenth, how hot does the bedroom and living room feel compared to rooms next to them or outside?

Nineteenth, check the apartment and bedroom especially for any gaps or openings where bugs can come through, Will that be a problem?

On that note, ask other expats if mosquitos specifically are a problem in that neighborhood.

Twentieth, check the area under the sink. Does the water used get disposed of normally or does it go into a bucket?

Some other issues….

To be continued….

If you have any input? Drop a comment below.

And follow my Twitter here.

Thanks for reading.

Best regards,


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