Issue Dating Latinas: Your Family Unable to Attend Important Events in Her Country

There's a certain thing that some Latin American women might find offensive when dating them.

And I emphasize "some" because I definitely don't think this is true for all and I think some are more reasonable in understanding circumstances than others.

What they might find offensive anyhow is the situation in which your family is unable to make a visit to whatever event that is of either familial or cultural importance to her.

Where she has the expectation that they should've made it out to her country to visit for the occasion but they didn't.

Therefore, she sees your family as being rude and already bad vibes are being made between all of you.

There have been a very few times I have either heard about or seen this play out directly.

Let's get to some of it.

Blayde's Angry Colombian Girlfriend

A week or so ago, I remember meeting up with a friend of mine named Blayde after having moved back near the airport of Mexico City.

Where I actually have the metro nearby and can more easily visit the few friends of mine in the city that aren't a long ass distance and bad logistics away from Milpa Alta.

While meeting up, he told me about a Colombian gal that he was seeing briefly long ago and was nothing recent.

A gal I heard about before and was seemingly batshit crazy to be fair.

Crazy for other reasons not related to this article.

One of the issues though that came up between them briefly though was that her family was going to be celebrating the Quinceañera of her sister.

For those who don't know, a Quinceañera is just a 15th birthday party.

Pretty big deal in a lot of Latin American countries and I wrote more about the subject in this article here.

Anyway, she wanted Blayde's family from the US -- who are also not Latino -- to be coming to the event.

But his family is not full of millionaires.

They aren't poor but it's not as easy for them to just drop work and show up on a whim with their own money to travel internationally for the occasion.

It just wasn't happening.

And she made a big fuss about it apparently and it caused tension between them.

A big of an argument.

And her claiming that "you must not take me seriously or really love me because otherwise they would show up!"

Now, to be fair, I think she was just fucking with him by the sounds of it.

But it could be the case that she legit had the expectation that he have his family show up for her sister's birthday party in a completely different country and on their own dime.

And, speaking of Colombian birthday parties, I actually had my own moment like that years ago.

Though it wasn't anywhere near as dramatic as how Blayde described his experience with this.

Where's the Rest of Your Family?

Years ago when I was spending time in Colombia, I was dating a Colombian gal named Marcela.

She was from Barranquilla.

And I went back to Colombia briefly for a month or so on a second trip as her birthday was coming up.

When I did, she asked me after showing up "where is your family?"

Meaning my mom, dad and my sister.

She legit thought that my entire family was going to be showing up for her birthday.

Well, my mom was about to begin working as a teacher as the summer was getting to an end and my dad and sister were both working obviously.

Couldn't get the time off.

Nor did I get any indication from her beforehand that she was expecting the family to show up anyhow.

Not that they would have anyhow because why would they?

To travel internationally all for her birthday?

I didn't tell them that in the moment because we were dating and I didn't want them to think she was some really arrogant person.

But it also wasn't much of a topic to begin with.

She simply asked where they were. I told her they didn't show up. And you could tell by her facial reaction that she took it personally or at least thought it was weird that they didn't show up.

Almost like it was offensive.

But it didn't cause any tension whatsoever and the topic was dropped and life went on.

It really wasn't an issue and I had to think for a few minutes to remember it while trying to recall examples for this article because I almost forgot about it.

Now, if Marcela had a sister having a Quinceañera, then maybe we would've had a Telenovela style drama on our hands but who knows.

Anyway, there's another incident I remember that perhaps is arguably more reasonable but I'll let you be the judge.

"They're Not Coming for the Wedding?"

Finally, there was one other incident that comes to mind when it comes to this topic.

To be honest, I don't remember too many Latinas getting mad about the family not showing up down here for some special occasion but I also don't go around asking many gringos about it.

Anyway, on top of my head, there was another situation that I remember being told about a few odd years ago.

It also involved a Colombian woman. What is it with Colombian women being dramatic?

And there was another American dude named Ryan that studied in the same program as I did at Universidad del Norte in Barranquilla.

We stayed in touch for a few years after the program ended but haven't talked in a while.

Anyway, he ended up marrying a Colombian woman that is from somewhere along the Caribbean coast and one of her cousins got married in Colombia.

Ryan's wife wanted his family to come for the wedding.

They couldn't.

They simply couldn't afford the cost and take the time off work to go to a completely different country for the occasion.

And she didn't like that.

Obviously, it didn't tear up the marriage as, last I checked on my Facebook, they're still together.

So I guess it's all cool.

But I remember him telling me about it years ago when the moment came up.

Final Thoughts

There's a few things that come to mind so let me ramble a bit here.

First, I think most Latinas are reasonable about this and understand that your family isn't going to visit her sister's 15th birthday. That's just fucking arrogant.

Second, I also know that sometimes Latin Americans have a very unrealistic idea of how much money we gringos have and think we all live in the Garden of Eden.

Where, for our families, taking a last minute trip for the birthday party is the same as deciding what 5 Star Michelin restaurant we want to eat at tonight.

That our family can just at a whim drop the money and time for the occasion and that the occasion can be as small as someone's birthday party to show up to.

But, despite the illusions that some Latin Americans have about our money and privilege, I again will reiterate that I don't think most are so extremely unrealistic in thinking that the family can come over for a 15th birthday party.

Third, though it's just a theory of mine, I'm willing to bet that some of these women who have the highest expectations on this topic are those of the upper class.

Where the friends of their family are upper class.

And where it's not that they think your family is rich for simply being gringo but that they live in a world where everyone they know can just drop the time and money like that to show up for whatever occasion.

That's just a theory though as to what type of family might be more unrealistic.

For example, the gal Blayde was seeing was, from what it sounded like to me, a bit more upper class.

So who knows.

Fourth, there are cultural differences too, no?

The Quinceañera is very important culturally and so I can get why maybe some Latinas would care to see your family show up for it.

Though it also might be reflective of their ignorance for not remembering that you and your family are not Latino and so, for us, it's not as big of a deal to show up.

But, having said that, there is another cultural difference that could be at work here.

Which is that families in Latin America -- if we were to generalize as usual -- tend to be more "together" like glue than gringo families.

That's just how it is.

Where a gringo family might have a woman celebrating her daughter's 10th birthday but most of the family, despite living in the same state, didn't show up for the occasion.

I've had birthdays where family members -- uncles, grandparents or whoever -- didn't show up.

And I'm sure other gringos have similar experiences.

It's not a big deal necessarily.

It's just how it is.

And so I do think that at times Latin American families do take to heart more sharing every moment with other family members than do gringo families.

That might contribute anyhow to the tension that could come from something happening in her family and where the gringo family failed to show up.

Fifth, though it doesn't need to be said, obviously both families living in different countries adds to the difficulties (logistically and financially) of both families celebrating events together.

But, like I said, I think most Latina women who are mature can understand that. It doesn't take a rocket scientist.

Sixth, there is a part of me that likes to see the light in the dark and perhaps one could see her concern in situations like this as a positive thing.

Especially in Ryan's case where -- for a wedding at least -- one can see she wasn't being as unreasonable as Blayde's girlfriend with the 15th birthday party.

Where, for a more important occasion like that, perhaps her being concerned or expressing emotion about the subject is a sign that she genuinely likes you and isn't with you for just your money or green card.

After all, that is a concern some gringos have.

Is she with me for me or for something more?

If she was a woman who just wanted money and a green card, I doubt she'd give a rats ass about your family showing up to the cousin's birthday party or for her birthday or whatever.

As long as you give her money and the green card, why does it matter that your family interacts with hers?

Completely irrelevant.

Though, with a wedding at stake, I guess you could think pessimistically with the idea that maybe she just wants your family to drop money and gifts for the occasion and take advantage of that.

But probably not. She probably likes you. I guess. Maybe. Who knows.

Anyway, that's all I got to say.

Above all, I don't think necessarily you are going to encounter this issue when dating Latinas of Latin America but I think it's entirely possible.

And that the issue obviously becomes even more complicated from the mentioned cultural and logistical issues of living in different countries as mentioned.

Though, like I said, I think most Latinas who are mature enough will be understanding and it won't be a real issue most likely for most of you.

To be honest, I'm probably exaggerating the likelihood that this would ever be an issue you'll face just from writing an entire article about it in the first place.

Even my one and only incident with this topic from Marcela really wasn't an issue. Just something casual that didn't become anything and I had to give some time to remember.

So don't worry too much about this when dating women down here in Latin America.

Could be an issue but probably won't be.

If you got anything to add anyhow, drop a comment below.

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And thanks for reading.

Best regards,

Matt