The 95 Theses of the Gringo Living in Latin America

A few years ago, I was living in Pachuca, Mexico.

On one day, I went along with my landlord to some lunch between her and some foreign volunteers that worked for some NGO that she was with.

As you can read here, she basically cheated on her husband a lot with foreign dudes who volunteered at the NGO she worked for.

Basically, if you were an extranjero, her pussy was yours.

I never made any moves on her in large part because she was my landlord and I didn’t want to make things awkward.

Plus, you never know if you are reading things wrong even if there is some sexual tension.

Still, whenever her husband was away traveling for work, she always happened to have some random foreign dude (Italian, German, etc) that she brought into her apartment that was located right next to mine.

Telenovela drama shit aside….

As I said, we were all together at this fish restaurant in Pachuca, Mexico talking about whatever came to mind.

One of the topics happened to be thoughts on AMLO and all.

And other non-political shit.

Anyway, there was some Italian dude that was giving his 95 theses on why life is better in Mexico than Italy.

Or “the West” as he characterized it.

Now, from what I remember, there was another foreigner in our group who had a bunch of reasons also and was thinking of different ways to support himself down here in Mexico long term.

Either way, the Italian guy had a list of reasons for why he liked Mexico….

The food is so good!

The weather is amazing!

The cost of living is so low!

I don’t need a car!

So on and so on….

Now, we have all heard these reasons before by literally everyone and their grandma about why life in Mexico is so much better.

The Italian guy is not original by any means.

Still, he went on and on with literally a hundred reasons for why life down here is so much better.

Most of the reasons being bullshit though.

First off, this guy was from Italy.

You telling me for real that they can’t find a place in Italy with good weather and good food?

Honestly, Italian food sounds pretty dope right now.

After all, I’m the BIGGEST fan of the bread sticks at Olive Garden!

And, if the guy worked hard enough, I’m sure he could maybe find a job that pays decently enough compared to the local cost of living.

Still, I can’t bitch about this dude’s long list of reasons for why Mexico is better than Italy.

After all, I’ve been guilty of the same thing!

A Conversation with My Sister

Just the other day, I was talking with my sister again.

She wasn’t trying to convince me for why I should come back to the US.

Instead, she was concerned about the mental health of my dad who she has been worried about.

Mainly, she has been worried that he’ll kill himself.

And he left some weird comments on Facebook.

Anyway, my sister was resonating with some of the reasons for why I continue to live in Mexico.

Like how most of my former friends have left my home state of Iowa or moved on in other ways…

While I have various friends in Mexico City that I hang out with now.

More often than not, we stay in areas where we got more social connections.

Still, in that part of our conversation, I started to vomit bullshit on her.

What bullshit?

About how there are “94 other reasons” for why I should live in Mexico!

Such as not having to drive a truck everywhere, no Iowa winter, having my landlord deal with utilities, not having a local job and being self-employed, etc.

And while the Iowa winter and the self-employment are more valid reasons….

The ones about utilities or not having to drive a truck, to be fair, do sound like bullshit.

Hell, I realized it in the moment when I said them.

So did my sister.

“Well, some of those things like the utilities could be solved easily. You’d be billed for them and that’s it.”

And that’s fair – in my time living in the US, I never had to pay for utilities because I left before I ever had my own apartment.

Still, she’s right.

However, I suppose if I wanted to pull reasons out of my ass for why I live here, that is one!

Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with utility companies myself…

Whoohoo!

As if that means anything in the long run.

And, from having talked with other foreigners, that type of thinking isn’t uncommon.

Like the Italian guy from before…

To this other guy named Matt who complained about “car culture” as you can read about here…

All around, while those can be reasons….

They are extremely minor reasons in my opinion.

Personally, I wouldn’t move to another country to escape having to pay an electricity bill (versus paying the landlord to pay it) or to avoid driving a truck….

In fact, I miss driving to a degree!

Not commuting but driving in general.

Still, the point here is the same.

The Point

Let’s get to the main point that I’m trying to convey here…

Which is that, including for me, it’s not uncommon for foreigners to come up with their own 95 theses about why they live in Latin America.

Where 94 or 93 of those points are relatively unimportant and could easily be resolved by living in their own country.

And where 1 or 2 of those points are the real reasons for why they live down here.

But yet the gringo feels the need to dump on you a full 95 Martin Luther Style Theses for why he lives in Latin America.

And he ends up going on a full rant listing down each reason for why life in Latin America is SO MUCH BETTER.

When, in truth, most of the reasons he lists are just cherries on the top.

A SHIT TON OF CHERRIES.

Of which none of them would keep him here.

Hell, even 93 or 94 of those cherries all together wouldn’t keep him here.

Yeah, they might be nice benefits!

But they aren’t what motivated him to move down here and/or stay down here.

And it’s really those 1 or 2 reasons for why he stays here.

At times, the gringo might feel uncomfortable mentioning those reasons or might not entirely understand them himself just yet.

So just keep that in mind when talking with another gringo for why he lives down here.

You might end up getting a 95 point theses for why he lives down here…

But if you pay attention to his lifestyle and the life he had before coming to Latin America, it might become more apparent as to the true motivations for his relocation and continued stay down here.

Reasons and motivations that might not be bad necessarily…

But are the real seasoned steak among the 93 or 94 potatoes that he wants to serve you also.

And now I’m hungry.

Time for food!

Anyway, follow my Twitter here.

And thanks for reading.

Best regards,

Matt