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The Catholic Gods of Latin America Cockblock You from Pussy

Published January 24, 2021 in Colombia , Dating Information - 0 Comments

I was on a mission from Allah to get pussy.

Did I accomplish the mission or fail in burning flames?

It began in a Colombian city called Barranquilla.

I had spent about 7 months in Barranquilla in total but took a 2 week break in the middle of that time to Patagonia.

During that break, I got tired of hooking up a bit and contemplated maybe getting into a relationship just because.

See what it’s like.

So I got talking with 3 chicks.

One named Rosa (Venezuelan chick), another Katherine (Peruvian) and a gal named Marcela (Colombian).

Among them, I ended up dating Marcela.

But before I did, I went on some dates with the other two.

With Rosa, I’ve already written in detail elsewhere on my blog about how, despite us fucking around, I found out she already had a husband to my surprise.

With Katherine?

She was cool too but had the opposite issue of Rosa.

Instead of being a bit slutty and unfaithful, she was too conservative for me.

What do I mean?

Our first date will tell you everything.

Mission to Find Katherine

It was initially difficult to find Katherine in Barranquilla.

I took a taxi and, to my luck, the taxi driver didn’t try to scam me, double the price, gringo tax me or whatever the hell else.

Then we went off to find Katherine’s place.

In hindsight, I wish we had UBER in Colombia back then because we could’ve avoided many of the problems that night trying to find her place.

Though, as you can see here, Colombian taxi drivers have really had intense issues with accepting UBER in their society.

“What do you mean I have real competition now?!?! I can’t just scam people as easily anymore!?! NO JODA!!!”

Anyway, without the benefit of UBER, I was at the mercy of the taxi driver to put in an honest effort in trying to find her address.

By the time we got around to the general neighborhood of where she lived, we found ourselves lost.

While I have shat on Colombian taxi drivers before many times before for being some of the scummiest folks you can find in Latin America, this guy was different.

You always have apple trees in the distance of cow shit.

The driver was insistent on helping me find this chick for some reason.

“El Gordo” taxi driver should found himself lowering the door window and asking random folks if they knew where this exact address was.

Some of them helped us out.

Soon enough, we found ourselves parked across the street of some house that seemed to be the location.

Given the time it took to find her house and the fact that I didn’t have data on my phone, one could assume that she could’ve assumed that I wasn’t showing.

Though, given this is Latino time we are living in, my tardiness might’ve been more excusable that night.

And El Gordo walked up to the house and yelled out “Katherine??!? Katherine, you there?!?”

Or he yelled something like that.

I forgot what he yelled given this was years ago.

Anyway, Katherine soon made her appearance.

First, some random stranger opened the door to the house we were parked in front of.

Some other chick.

Then another chick made her appearance.

It was Katherine.

I exited the taxi.

Gave the taxi driver a generous tip for not trying to fuck with me on the price and putting in an honest effort to help me out. Even took his “taxi card” in case I wanted to call him to use his service another day.

Side Note: You see Colombianos? When you offer a good service, you get repeat business and a decent tip. When you don’t or try to fuck over your clients, you get shit from breakfast, lunch and dinner while living in poverty. Take note.

To keep a long story short, we first went to a famous bar/restaurant in Barranquilla called La Cueva.

Which is well known for its association with one of Colombia’s most famous writers, Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

I had never been there before.

It was fine but didn’t really have the vibe of what I was looking for before hooking up with someone.

Took Katherine then by taxi to some other bar that I often took gals to before trying to hook up with them.

Ending the Night at Bar del Moe

I might’ve mentioned this elsewhere on my blog but there was always a bar in Barranquilla that I took girls to when I wanted to get laid.

It’s definitely not the nicest bar of Colombia.

But it fit what I needed.

In Barranquilla, you have some street called 84th street (I think that’s the number but I could be wrong, it’s been years).

Something like that.

All the streets in Barranquilla are named “calle” or “Carrera” with a number after.

So, in Barranquilla, you have some street called either “calle 84” or “carrera 84” if my memory serves right that has a ton of bars open down a part of the street.

Here’s a video of the street that I found here.

Apparently it was calle 84 and carrera 45.

On this street anyhow, you’d have to walk towards one direction where you’d find a Subway food place.

Turn around the corner and you’d see “Bar del Moe” easily enough.

It had some pink lighting on the outside with an image of “Moe” on the outside from what I remember.

Moe being the character of the Simpsons.

Anyway, why was it a good place to take chicks too?

Here’s how it was.

Back then, the landlord wouldn’t let me take anyone into my room unless I paid 10 bucks roughly.

I was like 21 or 22 or some shit?

I wasn’t flooded with cash and was a little bit mindful of how much I was spending per day.

So I didn’t want to take a girl into the room unless we were making out before taking her to the building.

At least then I felt like we had a chance at fucking.

So where to take them beforehand?

I took a few to parks but there were no good parks near my place back then outside of a few but they were shit parks.

Though there was some other smaller park nearby also that I took chicks too that wasn’t much of anything.

It’s not like Mexico City where you got much better park options to take chicks to.

So I leaned more on nightlife before taking them home.

And Bar del Moe worked for me.

Why?

First, on most visits, I almost never saw anyone else inside the building.

Given that Colombians love tables and chairs and don’t mingle as much, the fact that this bar had most of its table and chairs on the outside meant that the few Colombians that they had visiting were sitting outside.

And I emphasize few – they had so few clients that I didn’t even know how they stayed in business.

Second, you could buy 4 beers and the bartender would forget about you.

Sounds terrible.

Well, it was technically terrible customer service.

But I found that ideal because neither the bartender nor any other customers would be watching us while we were making out.

So chicks would genuinely feel more comfortable making out and being more sexual given the extra privacy.

The bartender would literally be outside the bar most of the time smoking.

Third, speaking of privacy, the bar had a separate room to the side that had a sofa. Therefore, we were out of sight of the bartender who was always outside smoking anyhow.

And, because of the sofa, that made making out a little more comfortable.

Minor detail but I prefer places with sofas than having us sit across a table from each other.

Fourth, the music wasn’t difficult.

Some Colombian and Latino bars have types of music like salsa, vallenato, merengue, etc.

While learning how to dance to some of that like salsa can help you get laid, I’m not shy in saying that I suck at dancing salsa.

Merengue is easy for me.

But I prefer reggaeton.

Better music, I’m more likely to know the lyrics and dancing isn’t hard.

And this bar always had reggaeton.

Fifth, the beer was cheap as fuck.

Here’s a link showing some photos of the bar for those curious.

As of this writing in 2021, it still looks open!

How they have remained open with the few clients they have had is beyond my imagination.

All around, while the bar was dead, it served as a good spot to take young chicks to for making out before offering to go back to my place.

Did that happen with Katherine?

Almost but no (Cuban) cigar…

Night with Katherine

So, like I said, I took Katherine to this bar like I did other chicks.

I ordered the 4 beers.

Then we began dancing soon enough.

At first, she seemed a bit timid or shy.

Not overly sexual right away.

But that changed pretty quickly.

Given it’s been years, I can’t remember how exactly she went from shy to sexual.

At some point, we began making out while dancing to some random song.

Then, if I remember right, we sat down on the sofa in privacy with no bartender interrupting us and no customers walking in to see two horny birds on the verge of fucking.

And that’s basically the point that we reached at.

As we were making out on the sofa, I began kissing her neck for some reason.

Not sure why since I can’t remember why that happened.

But that was the first moment in my life where I realized that some chicks get really horny when you kiss their neck.

My Colombian ex, Marcela, was very much into that.

For Katherine, kissing her neck was almost like pressing a “fuck me button.”

Long story short, we began making out and got very sexual quickly with the privacy needed.

After whatever amount of time, she had her hand touching my chest while I had my hand down inside the back of her pants with her sitting on it while I was fingering her.

Literally her pussy in the palm of my hand.

At some point, I said to her “let’s go back to my place.”

The second I said that, it was like flipping a switch in her head.

She went from coming across as very horny in one second to literally concerned in the next second.

I thought for sure that we were going to fuck that day.

Her pussy literally in my hand.

But no fucking that night!

Why not?

She began telling me literally in that second how “she’s from a different background. She don’t do that until marriage. She a virgin.”

That hit me.

“Wait a second. You a virgin until marriage, no fucking because Jesus said so? But let you let random dudes finger you in the back of a bar?”

I didn’t say that but that’s what I was thinking.

It was weird to me.

I didn’t get it.

Largely because I never met a single person anywhere in the world that won’t fuck until marriage.

These people exist?

I’m being cock blocked by some random ass dude from thousands of years ago that inspired a religion?

“Oh, she religious. No fucking until marriage.”

Motherfucker.

At any rate, I was a tiny bit confused because I just never met a “no fucking until marriage” person before.

Like they a unicorn or something.

These exist?

At any rate, I tried to persuade her to come along but I couldn’t drown out the sound of Jesus on her other shoulder.

I was the devil telling her “nah girl, fucking is fun. Forget religion” and her boy Jesus was on the other side going “don’t be a hoe, girl. Heaven ain’t open to folks with a body count more than 1.”

Unfortunately, Jesus was better than I was at persuasion.

No offense Jesus but I get why the Romans had issue with you if you out here cockblocking folks.

Just saying.

You a cool dude anyhow.

Love and peace and all that.

Anyway, Jesus won the battle for her pussy.

No pussy for me that night unfortunately.

I walked out the bar with her.

Put her in a taxi.

Carried onto the next night with Rosa the Venezuelan coming with me to that exact same bar before coming back to my place.

Though I was confused on being somehow cockblocked by religion and, as of this writing, the only time).

But, by the time I was bringing Rosa back to my place the following night, it was a reminder it didn’t matter anyhow.

One says no, the next says yes.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter much if you know how to collect numbers easily enough and just work with those the most down to fuck.

Unfortunately, I never gave much thought as to religion cockblocking me.

But that might sound ironic to those who don’t know Latin America well.

Final Thoughts

It’s a small story.

Not really much to say.

I’ve referenced this story casually a few other times but never written it out in detail on this blog before in greater detail.

Really, it’s just for entertainment value.

But it does have some actual value for discussion only briefly.

For one, as I said, how you lose some and win some.

Never take it personally.

I didn’t take it personally that night but was confused because I never met someone who truly never fucks until marriage.

And, as of this writing years later, have yet to meet another woman like that.

They really are like unicorns in my experience.

Second, and arguably more important, is on the topic of “how Catholic are Latinos?”

You hear this talking point by folks back home who have either never been to Latin America or don’t know it very well.

Plenty of folks assume everyone here is extremely religious.

It’s an idea that I find funny because, among the Latinos I know, most aren’t that religious.

At least not in my generation of those living where I live.

Still, that night with Katherine is a healthy reminder that some Latinos are actually that religious funny enough.

It’s like meeting a T-Rex.

Those exist?

Fuck….

But they do!

Very rarely but they’re out there.

And Katherine is just one example, I’m sure.

Though, thankfully for me, I have yet to meet another one like her that doesn’t fuck until marriage.

Thankfully.

At any rate, that’s all I got to say.

It’s a funny little story but doesn’t have much other significance from how I see it.

If you have any comment, drop one below in the comment section.

And follow my Twitter here.

Thanks for reading.

Best regards.

Matt

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