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The Bolivian Hit Squad Has Come to Attack Me

Published August 20, 2020 in Bolivia , Personal Stories & Opinions - 0 Comments

Years ago when I was living in a city of Bolivia called Cochabamba…

I went to a nightclub they had in the city that was pretty awesome.

It my favorite one in the city – forgot the name though but maybe someone here who has been to Cochabamba would know by the description below.

Basically, you would walk in and it was super dark with a bar near the end of the large room…

With some bathrooms to the side…

And so many people here that you couldn’t avoid bumping shoulders with someone..

Ok, that’s a shit description but the best my memory can do after 6 years or more or however long it has been…

Either way…

I walk into this place for another night of fun with this chick that I was often hooking up with.

Let’s call her Mariana.

And we had two other dudes with us as well who became good friends of mine.

They were brothers – let’s call them Fidel and Jose.

I know, I know…

Fidel – like Fidel Castro? And Jose? You can’t come up with better names to cover their identity?

It’s the best I can do with a bottle of vodka next to me..

So we walk into this place…

And they are playing reggaeton as usual…

And the place really is crowded as hell – you can’t dance very well.

Now while there…

I ended up heading over to buy a drink for Mariana and I.

I’m pretty sure it was a mojito because I love those things.

And while we are having a drink and enjoying the music…

I must have accidently bumped into this random ass Bolivian dude.

Or maybe stepped on his foot?

I honestly don’t know what I did to piss him off…

But I have read that Bolivian and Peruvian guys can get territorial if they see a foreigner with a Bolivian chick.

Not sure how true that is but could also be a reason..

Either way, things escalate pretty quick.

And this small ass Bolivian dude – and I’m not exaggerating – he couldn’t have been more than 5 feet tall.

Now I’m 5’9…

But I like to say I’m 5’10 though – but who is counting?!

Anyway, I’m looking down on this little guy…

Who is skinny as hell also – he’s literally a small ass skeleton.

With a type of black haircut that looks like this.

About medium brown skin.

Wearing a black jacket also if my memory serves right.

Now he has two of his friends behind him…

And I’m not fucking joking here…

They literally all look the same to me.

Now maybe I had too many mojitos already by this point..

And I know, I know – some PC folks will complain to me by email…

“God damn you Matt, that’s racist! Not all brown people look the same! I will CANCEL YOU!!!”

Fuck, I’m just being honest – they all looked literally the same.

Each one of them was about 5 foot tall more or less.

Significantly smaller than I was…

They all literally had the same geeky haircut as I showed above..

And they all seemed very skinny…

And the dude who was having issues with me was screaming at me or something..

Now I couldn’t understand what he was saying…

Because in part my Spanish at this point in time was basic conversational but at the point where you would have to still speak a little bit slowly for me to understand…

And also we had loud reggaeton music blasting…

Even to the point where I always had difficulty understanding Mariana unless I put my ear up to her mouth to listen closely…

So here this small ass Bolivian dude is screaming all red in the face at me..

With his two clone buddies of his standing behind him looking all serious with frowns that resemble that of Emiliano Zapata.

Yes, yes, he was Mexican but I’m trying to be descriptive of how all serious their frowns were to paint a vivid picture..

Anyway, I had what was a bouncer standing right next to us as this was going on..

And he was looking at both of us – with his eyes bouncing back and forth between us.

Now I’m looking at this dude who is screaming at me…

And I am thinking “what the hell did I do wrong?”

I’m just standing here staring down on the guy and confused as hell…

And I figured I could probably kick them down and stomp on them since they are so short…

Or hold them back with an arm and they wouldn’t be able to swing at me since their arms probably are not too long..

But, in all seriousness, I figured I could take on the three of them.

I’m not some pro athlete but taking on three dudes who couldn’t be bigger than 5 feet each and who are very skinny like they haven’t had a meal in a month?

A worthy challenge.

But the bouncer next to me was my height and definitely looked like he went to the gym..

Though my friend Fidel came up to the situation as he and his brother went to take a piss…

And when they noticed what was going on, they intervened and tried to calm them down…

Ultimately, they back down and go their own way…

Now what happened later?

Eventually, we all left this club a few hours later and had a good night overall…

Mariana and I went to a motel since I was living with a homestay family at the time…

And the next morning I got a text from Fidel about if I remember the night before.

He then explains to me that he didn’t really know too well what the dude was tripping on about…

As he couldn’t hear him very well but he did mention that he heard the guy say “what are you doing here?”

So who knows..

Maybe Mariana was his boyfriend and I was fucking her on the side without knowing that she was taken..

Maybe he felt offended that this white gringo was fucking “his women” and perhaps he is some Bolivian incel who can’t get no pussy and is offended at foreigners fucking Bolivian chicks.

Or whatever it might be.

Either way, it was a confusing night for sure.

But something to laugh about I guess in hindsight.

Anyway, if you liked this story, leave a comment below and follow my Twitter here.

Thanks.

Best regards,

Matt

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