All you need to know about Iberian America

“Hey White Guy! I’m Going to Steal Your Fucking Laptop!”

Published August 20, 2020 in Mexico , Personal Stories & Opinions - 0 Comments

Back in my first year living in Mexico City…

I was often working on a little project of mine that involved writing up this book…

Mostly as a hobby to be honest…

Either way, I was sitting down at Starbucks because I enjoyed writing up what I was doing there than back at my place sometimes…

Since the place I had in La Roma was a small ass room that didn’t have much space.

Granted, it had a small balcony for me to take a breath of fresh air to be fair…

But sometimes I needed more…

People to be moving around me…

Some ice tea and bagels that I could order whenever I felt like at this place…

More fresh air…

All around, it made it easier to concentrate on working what I was doing at the time…

Now this Starbucks was located right in front of the Independence Angel statue along the Reforma in Mexico City…

And was probably about a 10 to 15 minute walk from where I was living at the time…

Where I was living was this building on the other side of Metro Insurgentes for those who are familiar with Mexico City…

Either way, this was another day working on what I was doing in Mexico City at Starbucks…

And it was getting pretty close to 11 PM at night…

Now that might seem risky carrying around my laptop at around 11 PM at night in Mexico City to those who have never been down here…

But La Roma is safe enough…

Either way, Starbucks is about to close up and we will have to be leaving soon…

And keep in mind I was working in this part of the Starbucks that is almost like an outside space but not entirely….

Where there is still a roof over us but there is a fence basically separating the room from the outside with no windows either…

So when you are sitting down in this room in a table right next to the fence…

Regardless of the time of day, it wasn’t uncommon to have homeless people begging you for money if you happen to be close to the fence…

For that reason…

Though I enjoyed sitting next to the fence as it offered better views…

If I had my laptop, I would often sit away in the far corner from the fence since that would help limit the possibility of some homeless dude snatching my laptop if I were to get up to take a piss or order another cup of tea…

Either way, I am sitting in that corner again working on what I am working on…

Close to 11 PM at this time…

On a Friday or Saturday night…

When I hear someone yelling or screaming really with my headphones in listening to music…

Some random ass homeless dude on the other side of the fence.

Now he ain’t looking at me necessarily…

He looking all around like he on drugs or some shit…

But he was yelling “hey white guy! Hey white guy with the laptop!!”

And I look around…..

And I am not the only white guy in this Starbucks…

As there are white Mexicans also and other foreigners as well in this city…

But I am the only white guy with a laptop in this room.

“God damn it, he’s talking to me…”

“Yeah, you! I’m going to steal your fucking laptop!” He yelled (in Spanish obviously).

And the guy was obviously a bit drunk or on drugs or some shit…

As there was a street phone right in front of the Starbucks…

Now he grabs it and starts basically screaming into the phone…

“Yeah, yeah, there’s a guy here with a nice ass laptop! Yeah, yeah, come here now! We going to steal it!”

Now keep in mind this guy wasn’t the first time I seen him doing stupid shit.

About a week ago or so before this happened, I saw the same homeless dude do some Tony Montana shit right in front of the Starbucks fence…

As you can see here…

Where he was going on about shit like “you all are so rich and we live in poverty, oh so fucking nice lives you all have….”

Some weird ass drunk or drugged out monologue he was having with the people sitting down here…

Now he was taking out his drunk or drugged out frustration on me in this case…

With him yelling out “I’m going to steal your fucking laptop!”

And all that shit while yelling into some street phone to some pretend person that he is ordering to come by to help him steal from me…

Which, obviously, nobody was on the other end of that phone….

Either way, I’m used to this by now..

As there were a shit ton of stupid ass homeless people living near where I was living at the time in La Roma…

Especially under some concrete area close to Metro Insurgentes…

Was often a spot that women would complain about passing by as I would try to bring dates from Metro Insurgentes back to my place….

Though they were never an issue outside of the occasional liquor-fulled, crack-fuelled outburst…

Either way, this was one of those outbursts…

Whatever this guy might be on…

Your guess is as good as mine…

But the security guard at the Starbucks I was at noticed obviously this screaming homeless dude yelling about how he going to steal my shit…

And he walked out of the front door to confront the guy…

Probably because also, as I said earlier, this wasn’t his first time harassing people sitting down here..

Either way, the second the security guy walks out the door…

The homeless guy skips across the street and off to whatever else…

All the while bursting out some random ass laugh “HA HA HA HA HA”

Or as they would type it out in Spanish….

“JA JA JA JA JA JA”

Regardless of it would be a J or an H…..

I was getting my shit together anyway since the place was about to close…

I walk out of the store wondering if this guy would end up chasing me down…

But I thought “nah, it’s probably OK. He’s just drunk or some shit…”

And I walk on out back to my place…

Suffice to say, I didn’t feel like taking my laptop back to Starbucks late into the night on a Friday or Saturday night after that…

Maybe on some afternoon or some shit but nothing too late…

But either way – that’s just life down here.

Sometimes the homeless folks can add some entertainment to your life.

As, in hindsight, it is entertaining to think about.

Though, for others, perhaps more intimidating.

But it is what it is.

Either way, a small story about life down here in Mexico City.

If you have any comments, leave them below in the comment section.

And follow me on Twitter here.

Thanks.

Best regards,

Matt

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