All you need to know about Iberian America

“Give Me Your Fucking Money or You Won’t Sleep!”

Published August 20, 2020 in Mexico , Personal Stories & Opinions - 0 Comments

On another Saturday day in Mexico City….

I finished having a nice Argentine steak at some steakhouse an hour ago…

The day is going perfectly..

And I walk into the local Soriana market to buy me some liquor for the week.

Upon walking in, I encounter an AMAZING promotion!

Only 1 dollar for entire bottles of liquor of 1 L each!

Vodka, brandy, rum, whiskey…

All worth a dollar each!

Plus a 3 for 2 deal they had going on that same day as well.

It was like heaven.

So cheap.

So many choices for me to purchase.

And by both of my sides, I had two nice Colombian ladies…

Sexy as hell.

With their big ass titties and fat ass lips and great curves…

Telling me….

“oh papi, buy whatever you want and let’s have some fun!”

It was perfect.

 But then….

My ideal reality was ripped from me…

And I woke back up from my dream.

And trust me, that is as good of a dream as it gets….

Maybe add a Brazilian, Dominican or Venezuelan chick also actually….

But the dream was over to the sound of someone playing the fucking trombone outside.

“What the fuck?” I mumbled.

I checked my phone and it was a little over 7 AM at the time.

Like 7:30 AM or something.

So I stumble out of bed..

I was at my last girlfriend’s place at the time as I was crashing at her place for a week before another flight back home to the US for a month.

So I get up and stumble over to the window a little hungover…

And looking down, I see this random ass dude who couldn’t have been older than 25 and who looked homeless or some shit…

Playing the trombone outside the apartment building in front of our apartment building.

With some random chick knocking on the door repeatedly…

Though nobody answered…

At the moment, I was thinking “why are they playing the trombone at 7 AM on a Saturday morning around a bunch of random apartment buildings that they obviously don’t live in while knocking on the door?”

And, after a second, it became obvious.

Living down here long enough, you see plenty of folks begging for me and that was what seemed like the most obvious answer.

Though I had never seen someone use a trombone to harass random people sleeping into giving them their money at their own fucking apartment.

It was annoying to the point that if I had a paintball gun, you would have seen a scene like this one here…

Or if only I had some eggs to chuck at them from above..

Either way, I give them an old “fuck off…!” that I couldn’t help.

Not that they would understand that…

Though the chick did look up at me rudely afterwards..

And they proceeded to the next apartment building to give them a musical performance that only Beethoven could appreciate.

Or would he be rolling in his grave….

Either way, the noise went on for quite some time and I can only assume they went from one building to the next harassing people for money in hopes one of them would give like 5 to 10 pesos to shut the fuck up.

Which, by the way, it would be about 5 to 10 pesos most likely.

Which is like 30 to 50 cents.

For the two of them.

Sure seems like a good way to make that income, yo.

At this point, they’d probably be better off sleeping in and waiting until about 10 AM or so to go harass tourists along the Reforma where maybe the chick could pretend to be pregnant and ask foreigners “for money for the baby, por favor.”

That honestly would probably be more profitable than this endeavor that they had going on here since most tourists would be willing to throw down maybe 5 bucks instead of 30 cents.

Either way….

These folks are not the only ones causing noise in Latin America.

And, though it is a small issue..

It is one nonetheless.

Where, depending on where you live, it is quite likely you will have your handful of mornings being disturbed by people outside making noise for whatever reason.

Just yesterday morning…

I had a whole combination of things waking me up…

First, it was the loud ass trucks rolling by…

Then it was some random ass dude yelling “se vende se vendeeee” something.

After that, some construction work from the sounds of it…

And despite all of that…

All by 8 AM at this point…

There was peace and quiet…

I can finally fall back asleep…

Or so I thought…

Because then some random dude outside my window was playing some fucking cumbia music or whatever it was.

Loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear.

At 8 AM on a Tuesday.

And that went on for at least half an hour.

Like this motherfucker was trying to play his own personal concert for the whole neighborhood to hear.

“My life is so shit, I need everyone to know what music I listen to so I can feel important and annoy the fuck out of people nearby.”

At that point, I gave it up.

“Fuck it” I thought.

I’ll just take a nap later if I ever get tired early.

And so, as this is all hinting at…

If you live in Latin America, it’s quite likely you will have this issue.

It doesn’t happen to me every day…

But it happens several times a month where I am woken up early and can’t fall back asleep..

Because of some shit going on outside.

Be it the food vendors outside…

Or some vehicles that crash into each other…

An earthquake…

The neighbors having a heated argument about “no, Maria, no, I swear I didn’t fuck the cute morena with the big thick ass down the street!”

To people playing music outside as well I suppose…

Be it that they want to give others a musical performance or harass the shit out of people for money I guess as well…

Among whatever else that happens outside that can wake you up early…

Of course, even during the night, you may not be free from all the noise..

As when I lived in Pachuca, Mexico, we had a neighbor that would play his guitar often enough until 4 AM in the fucking night like he is aspiring to be the next rock n’ roll musician.

And the only way he can aspire to do so is play his guitar loud enough to piss off everyone else in the building.

Suffice to say, that guy got a few complaints from others and he had to leave…

Though, to be fair, annoying neighbors is no strange scenario in the US either.

And to be even more fair, this issue regarding noise in the morning…

Be it traffic or, I suppose, harassing homeless people, is mostly an issue in the biggest cities like Mexico City.

It wasn’t really so much an issue from what I remember when living in Pachuca, Mexico or Cochabamba, Bolivia or anywhere that doesn’t have millions of people.

But it can be an issue a little more rarely in those places also.

Either way, it’s a minor issue all things considered regardless of where you are.

And one that you should be aware of before you ever move down here.

And if you have any experience yourself with this, let me know in the comments below or reach out to my on Twitter here.

Thanks!

Best regards,

Matt

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