So about 15 minutes ago, I walked into the shower of the new apartment building I live in at Lindavista of Mexico City.
When I turned the water on, it was fairly ice cold for about a minute.
And I got thinking to myself “well shit, they lied to me about having hot water.”
Not uncommon for landlords down here to lie to you about something they don’t have.
Like I wrote in this article here about how landlords will say they have a kitchen when they only have a hotplate and how they have a gym when they only have a treadmill.
Among other bullshit lies they throw at you which don’t make any sense whatsoever.
After all, if I’m going to find out usually if you have what you say you have when I check the place out.
When I see you lied, I ain’t staying there because what else do you lie about?
All around examples of how landlords and business folks in Latin America tend to be extremely short sighted sometimes.
Anyway, to my surprise, the new shower actually did have hot water!
Boiling hot water.
It took about a minute but then the hot water got kicked in.
And it was fucking hot!
Now, as you can see in this photo here, this is what the shower looks like.
Obviously, you would assume one is for hot water and the other is for cold water.
However, one of the shower knobs doesn’t seem to do anything.
When you only use that one, no water comes out nor does it change the temperature of the water.
And, for some reason, the shower in question wouldn’t turn back to cold or medium temperature.
Now, to be honest, I’m the type who likes hot water.
Whenever I’ve showered with any random chick, I’m pretty sure all of them or most of them anyway have complained about how hot the water is.
Simply put, if I don’t feel like the water is burning my flesh off as if I was Satan himself in Hell, then I’m not entirely satisfied.
However, the water in question was too hot even for me.
Not fucking exaggerated.
You have no idea how hot it has to be for it to be for even someone like me to not like it.
So I ended up spending like 10 minutes more or less trying to figure the fuck out how it works.
Like a fucking puzzle, ain’t it?
Where I would only use one knob and then I’d use only the other knob.
Or use them both at the same time.
So on and so on.
None of that changed the temperature.
Somehow, I was able to have Antarctic level coldness in the beginning but now am getting a temperature only equivalent to the temperature of the Sun.
In my moment of trying to figure out how to get somewhere in between, I could be seen cussing out Mexico and the fucking shower.
Saying shit like…
“Why is it nobody in Latin America knows how to make a proper fucking shower?”
“Fucking Mexico. This is why nobody likes you Mexico. Can’t even have normal showers.”
“Why the fuck can’t I get normal fucking shower water in this country?!”
The only way I could get somewhat normal water was to turn off the shower and then turn it on again in which I’d get medium warm temperature for about 3 seconds.
So, while I had shampoo in my hair, I had my hand on the shower knob and could be seen turning it on and off frequently to get it right.
With about me yelling out “COCKSUCKER!” every time a little bit of the boiling water hit my head.
Funny enough, it didn’t hurt as bad when I was washing my dick.
I guess nothing hurts you down there when you’re huge and made of steel, am I right?
He he ja ja he he ja ja….
At any rate, I hope my landlord or nobody heard my rant against Mexican showers because the guy has seemed overly curious about how much I like Mexico.
Regardless, it’s all around a broader topic that the shower incident reminded me of today.
Which is that, in my experience, showers in Latin America are an extreme hit or miss.
Not just this place.
Previous Showers in Latin America
I’ll be honest with you.
Every time I go back to the US, there are things I miss.
Things that I’m glad I’ll get to enjoy again.
One of them being the shower at my parent’s place.
Or, if we’re being honest, a shower in any fucking place up in the US.
When my sister had her wedding well over a year ago, I stayed the night at her place and her shower was perfectly normal!
Good water pressure and you could actually CHANGE THE FUCKING TEMPERATURE!
Wow, what a concept!
How come nobody has taught people in Latin America about this modern type of shower where you can CHANGE THE FUCKING TEMPERATURE with normal water pressure!
Now, to be fair, I’m being a ass about this, aren’t I?
But it is the truth – taking a shower in the US has ALWAYS been a thing I’ve missed most of the time while living in Latin America.
Here are my memories with quite a few showers that I remember using down here in various countries.
First, I had a trip to some indigenous village or town area in Chiapas way back. I don’t remember them having showers. I think we used buckets?
Granted, it was a village so let’s move on.
Second, I had a homestay in a Guatemalan city called Xela. I remember the water pressure being alright but the temperature was always freezing cold.
Third, I remember the two showers I had in a Bolivian city called Cochabamba.
At the first homestay, the water pressure was weak and had cold as fuck water where it would also make a mess all over the bathroom floor because they didn’t have much separating the shower from the rest of the bathroom.
At the second homestay, the shower was actually NORMAL. It had good water pressure and you could actually CHANGE THE FUCKING TEMPERATURE.
What a concept!
Fourth, at the next homestay in Buenos Aires, Argentina, the shower was as normal as the second homestay shower from Bolivia.
Fifth, the water pressure was normal but the water was freezing cold in Colombia.
I remember very vividly how a lot of landlords in the Colombian city of Barranquilla would say how “because it’s so hot outside, we don’t have hot water!”
I don’t fucking get that logic.
It’s hot outside so you should suffer Artic level showers?
Why?
And it wasn’t just one landlord that said that to me.
I’m sure, somewhere in Barranquilla, you can get a normal fucking shower.
It has to be true!
I can’t, for the life of me, imagine that there’s an entire fucking city where people don’t like to enjoy taking a shower.
Where they collectively agree that taking a shower must involve suffering with the polar bears and pinguins.
I don’t fucking get it.
Sixth, you have all of the showers I’ve used in Mexico.
So, the one at Roma Norte was OK. Weak water pressure and lukewarm water. But not freezing.
The one by Juanacatlan area? Actually good!
The third good shower we have found in Latin America!
The only problem with it was, near the end of my time there, the shower knobs and a part of the shower wall would actually shock me if I touched them.
The landlord fixed that and it was OK again.
Then you have the shower by Cuatro Caminos area. It was good.
Afterwards, the shower by Pachuca that I had was also kinda shit. Weak pressure and lukewarm water.
By CU area, the shower was great! One of the best I’ve had down here.
Then I moved to El Centro Historico where the shower was good but only if you left the boiler on for like 30 to 45 minutes.
But it was good!
Afterwards, I moved to Copilco area.
That place always had weak ass water pressure but steadily got worse the longer I was there.
And it was by far the weakest water pressure I ever fucking seen anywhere in Latin America.
The temperature? It was weird.
It would occasionally flip to boiling hot or freezing cold without me doing anything to change it.
All around, was kinda shitty.
Wrapping it Up
Finally, you have the shower at the place I’m at now by Lindavista.
Which, being fair, the water pressure is actually pretty fucking good.
I’ll give them that!
Best water pressure I’ve seen in a while.
I’ll definitely have to ask the landlord how you control the fucking thing though.
Because I do know it’s capable of freezing cold water and boiling hot water!
It was freezing cold at first and then decided to burn my skin off.
The question is – how the fuck do you get it be somewhere in between?
You know – normal?!
I remember thinking to myself in that shower “why is Latin America incapable of giving me a normal fucking shower?! Is it too complicated for people here to make normal showers?!?”
But, after reviewing my 6 years of experience with showers down here, I realize that’s not very fair to say.
Out of the 14 showers professionally reviewed here, 6 of them were actually good.
And the rest were either shit or OK.
With the only one of that 14 that I don’t feel completely comfortable loving or shitting all over being the new one now at Lindavista.
Once the landlord tells me how to solve the complicated process of extracting normal water temperature from the shower, then actually it’ll be one of the better showers I’ve had in at least a year.
Especially as the water pressure is pretty damn good.
Maybe we’ll have to do a rain dance to the Aztec and Catholic gods to make something work, right?
Who knows.
Still, the broader point with all of this is really just to throw out that realization that I’ve had for a long time that showers down here can really be hit or miss.
It’s not really the most exciting topic about life in Latin America but it’s a minor detail that you may or may not experience.
Hopefully you don’t experience it with the best showers available to you!
Or don’t and feel free to complain about it all you want in the comment section below.
And follow my Twitter here.
Thanks for reading.
Best regards,
Matt