When Everybody Suspects the Gringo to be a Drug Dealer in Latin America

Has your family ever suspected you of being a drug dealer?

Mine has.

Here's the thing: when you live in Latin America, you MIGHT notice how family back home starts thinking that you are somehow involved in drugs one way or another.

Personally, it's kinda annoying.

When I first returned from a trip to Colombia back to the US, I remember my mom and sister holding some minor event with family members waiting for me back at my dad's house.

Right away, an uncle of mine named John walked up to me and told me "so Colombia huh? Lots of cocaine there, huh?"

Now, to be fair, he wasn't trying to be a dick. It was actually kinda funny to me that was his first comment he said to me and I made sure to tell my Colombian girlfriend of the time, Marcela, about his comment afterwards.

To keep it short, she (like most Colombians) didn't appreciate his first thought or question about Colombia being somehow involved around cocaine.

Now, to be fair, John is a dude who wouldn't naturally be into drugs or cocaine. He's not like that from what I know.

It's just that his idea of Colombia is -- if I had to guess -- about cocaine.

In the same way people form stereotypical ideas about other countries.

But that wasn't the only time I got a question about drugs.

As I wrote here, my sister used to ask me every so often if I had "ever done cocaine."

In my time living abroad, I guess maybe she has asked me this two or three times? Perhaps more?

I don't remember the exact amount and, in her defense, she hasn't asked me that question in a few years since before Covid started.

The last time she did from what I remember was when I was at a restaurant with her in our home town and she casually asked me that question again.

"Have I done cocaine?"

No!

Though, to be fair, I'm not above it.

I wouldn't deny cocaine if offered only because I think it would be cool to try for the first time.

But, on the flip side, I don't give enough of a fuck about cocaine or drugs in general to try.

Truth be told, I'm completely ignorant as to how to buy illegal drugs because I have no real experience with it whatsoever and am just not motivated enough to find out.

Given I live in Mexico, I'm sure I could get my hands on some easy enough.

I just don't care to (and vodka is good enough for me).

Regardless, I think my sister has dropped the "have you done cocaine?" question.

She hasn't asked me that in a few years and I think she gets now that I don't do cocaine.

Though, if I begin traveling to Colombia again as I'd like to, I fully expect SOMEONE to ask me this question again.

I guarantee fucking tee you that someone will ask me it again somehow.

I've been asked enough times that it almost makes me WANT to do cocaine.

So I can pose in front of a photo with some narco types and a bunch of cocaine on the table and maybe some HOT AS FUCK prostitutes shaking their asses behind me.

Send that to all of my family with the following caption:

"YOU SEE!?!?! YOU SEE?!?! I FINALLY DONE COCAINE!!! YOU HAPPY?!?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!"

Reminds me of our boy here!

A BUNCH OF HOOKAS & COCAINE!!

And, as a side point, I'm not overly interested in cocaine not only because I genuinely don't care about drugs but also because, if I ever was to do cocaine, I'd want it to be special.

One of those "you broke a cherry" moments.

It'd have to be a special moment that you wouldn't forget.

A friend offering cocaine at a party?

Maybe.

But only if I got to snort it off a hot chick's ass or something.

Though, if I'm being honest, it only sounds appealing if I can do it in the roughest of areas.

That would mean Colombia perhaps but Colombia is too popular with the gringos these days.

It's not Colombia like it was in the 1990s or 1980s when gringos were scared shitless of going to Colombia.

Therefore, if I was to ever do cocaine, I'd prefer it to be in one of the following scenarios:

For one, perhaps do it in Cuba with the ghost of Raul Castro (who is 90 as of this writing).

Second, do it with someone "important" in a tropical environment. While I'd prefer someone like a reggaeton star like Daddy Yankee or Tego Calderon, I'm willing to settle for perhaps a narco in his Mexican mansion somewhere in Jalisco or wherever.

Third, Venezuela. Venezuela has that "edgy" reputation to it where people are too scared still to go there. However, as you can see in the video below (among others out there), you do have increasingly more and more people going there.

Oddly enough, the increasing amount of videos like the one above make Venezuela seem ever so increasingly less of a cool place to "break my cherry" with cocaine. Would YOU want to do cocaine in Disney World? NO. 

While I once had a quick trip there years ago that you can read here, I never did cocaine when I did a VERY brief time there so long ago.

Venezuela would be my Colombia of the early 2000s before too many gringos flooded in.

Before it became "too popular."

To say I did cocaine in Venezuela in the roughest of hoods of Caracas in the "2020s" before it became too popular would be something I'd feel comfortable bragging about.

After all -- who the fuck do YOU know that has done cocaine in the roughest of hoods in Caracas, Venezuela at a time when no gringos were around?

NOBODY!

Would be a badge of honor to show off.

In such a scenario, I WOULD take that photo of me snorting cocaine in a SKETCHY AS FUCK hood with half-naked women showing their asses off.

Even though I'm not into prostitutes, we'd have to hire some just for the photo shoot.

Then I could turn it into my Facebook profile page and maybe even use it as a Tinder photo.

While every other dude has Tinder pics of him taking selfies in a bathroom, I'd have pics of me snorting cocaine with BITCHES in the ROUGHEST hoods of VENEZUELA.

Can I get a shoutout of encouragementt?

Flavor Flav yeah boy

YEAAAAAAH BOOOOOOYYYYY!!!!

Still, until that day comes, it's just a dream.

But a dream it is from just my end?

Or one from the family members that continues to persist?

My Dad Thinks I Sell Drugs

Does your dad think so?

Shit, I wish I did.

Funny enough, I remember half-jokingly saying to my sister over a year ago that "selling drugs isn't the worst idea."

The reason why I said that is because I watched some Youtube video online while writing this article here regarding gringos who take drugs back to the US.

And, though I have no idea how the market is, I guess they make like 5000 a trip or something?

Shit, that'd be cool as fuck man.

For the record, I only spend like 500 to 700 bucks a month.

So that's like 8 to 10 months of expenses for one trip.

And, in case I got caught, I'd still have my living expenses covered.

FOR YEARS!!!

After all, it's not like they'd charge rent in prison, would they?

So I might even get something like 20 years of rent & food covered.

Not to mention how, given how much I am into learning about Latin America, some odd years in a Latin American prison could really get me off the "gringo tourist" trail, don't you know?

See the REAL Latin America in prison or some shit.

The experience NO OTHER GRINGO ever gets!

FUCK YEAH!

Just for doing a day's worth of work transporting some shit?

YEAH WHAT A DEAL.

In all seriousness anyhow, my dad supposedly does think I sell drugs to pay rent.

Which, as I said, is kinda stupid.

Shit, if I was making that 5000 a deal or whatever, my life would be fucking crazy in terms of how sweet it would be financially.

It's almost like a mental orgasm in terms of just thinking how good life would be making money that fast.

But he apparently thinks that way anyhow.

A month or so ago, my sister gave me the word on it.

She told me that he asked her "what do I do for a living?" and he supposedly threw out a comment suggesting or asking if I sell drugs?

I guess that makes it Family Member #3 that thinks I somehow got something to do with drugs.

For one, Uncle John asking about Colombian cocaine (though, to be fair to him, he only asked if Colombia has cocaine and not if I do it or sell it).

Second, my sister who used to ask a few times if I have done cocaine but has given up the questions over the last few years.

Third -- as the latest family member to the list -- we have my dad! He's more imaginative, don't you see?

While my sister NEVER BELIEVED in me to aspire more to than just DOING the drugs, my dad KNOWS my entrepreneurial spirit!

He doesn't see me as the drug user but as the man who sells the drugs and make MILLIONS.

Scarface -- Push it to the Limit

....I always knew he believed in me.

But, at any rate, my sister gave him the bad news.

She, from what I remember, told him that "no, your son isn't that cut throat to make it in the cocaine selling business, you see.... No Pablo Escobar over here."

....I'm sure my dad's hopes were crushed.

But, in all seriousness, he did have a minor comment for me over a month ago.

He did ask me or comment to me anyhow about "how do I earn my money?"

And I told him (affiliate income).

He didn't get it.

Truth be told, I think old people just have a harder time understanding "funny internet money."

They grew up in a time that didn't involve the internet and making money online.

Naturally, their response to things would be to assume you sell drugs like you can see here.

Interview with drug dealer - Louis Theroux

Unfortunately though, I DO NOT have a nice watch or gold chain.

If I did, maybe the "drug questions" would be more appropriate.

And I would take them too!

While I don't find them offensive anymore, I will GLADLY answer away the details of my income if it involved making drug money that earned me 5000 a month.

God fucking damn, I would LOVE 5000 a month.

None of you get how much of a life changer that would be for me.

On the first day, I would LEGIT walk outside with 500 MXN peso bills (25 bucks) and just hand them out one at a time to random homeless people.

Go the cute Mexican chick who cooks gorditas and tacos across the street and just hand her 1000 MXN pesos (50 bucks).

She'd immediately begin sobbing "I'M FINALLY NOT IN POVERTY!!!"

...Before turning around, dropping her pants and bending over BEGGING for my gringo seed in her pussy.

Maybe buy a a nice car?

Ride around with music blasting?

A night at the hottest clubs of Polanco later?

Definitely a trip to an expensive restaurant beforehand.

Shit, I'd be like Rocky in Rocky 2 here.

Granted, I would be smart with money. Not spend it all. Save and all that.

But god damn I'd love that 5000 a month.

Putting aside my mental orgasm anyway about all this money, it is what it is.

You get the point.

For one, if you make money remotely, sometimes the old folks just get confused as to how you support yourself (even if not always perfectly).

Second -- and perhaps more importantly -- you'll get people asking if you have seen drugs, done drugs or sell drugs.

Last month, I finally had someone assume I sell drugs for the first time ever.

I've covered all the basis of "drug dealing."

Moved up in the world, you see!

From being assumed to be a drug user to a drug dealer!

I take that as a compliment.

While I haven't done or sold cocaine, I just accept it as it is.

As a last point, I think another reason why these ideas come at you is because you live in Latin America and talk with people who don't know nothing about Latin America.

In a way, I get the same stereotype that Colombians hear about drugs just due to the location we live in.

Stereotypes come with locations from those who don't know nothing about the place you live in.

Yes, we got lots of drugs here but it doesn't mean everyone is doing them in a giant orgy.

But I can't complain.

We all have our ignorances and I don't usually take things personally.

More humorous if anything.

But I've been ignorant about many things in life (still am likely!) so it is what it is.

Move on.

While I think my dad maybe no longer suspects me of being a drug dealer (perhaps it was just a minute thing), I don't know for sure.

But let him imagine!

It is what  it is.

Last Minute Mentions

As I edit this article, I'd just like to do a few shoutouts relevant to the topic.

For one, one of my previous roommates named Andrea here in Mexico thought I worked for the CIA.

Jokingly said so anyway and was curious what I do for a living after months living in the same building (was truly confused as to how I earn a living).

On top of that, I had a Mexican landlord named Maria when I lived in Pachuca de Soto.

I remember her introducing me to an American who was going to work for the Peace Corps if I remember right and was thinking of moving into the building to be a neighbor.

Maria half-jokingly said that I "sell drugs."

As I edit this article, that comes to mind also just now.

Though she, like Andrea, was also confused as to how I pay rent.

Of course, to a Mexican, it might look like I pay a top dollar for rent given her place was 5000 a month or 250 USD a month.

Plenty of Mexicans can afford that but many can't.

And so you mix that in with a foreigner who seemingly doesn't study, is in the apartment quite often working and his description of what he does for work is confusing to someone not used to remote work?

Well, you get a confused person to say the least.

That moment with Maria anyway was over 2 years ago as of this writing when remote work was even less common back then (especially for Mexicans).

So obviously again the idea of "Matt is a drug dealer" came up.

It probably also didn't help that I sometimes came home at late hours from house parties or whatever at like 4 AM and Maria knew -- especially given she lived next door to me -- that I stayed up until like 4 to 6 AM. That probably added to the "drug dealer" theory.

That's all I got to say anyhow.

Drop any comments below.

And follow my Twitter here.

Thanks for reading.

Best regards,

Matt