Paraguay Does Not Exist

It’s true, motherfucker.

Paraguay doesn’t exist.

If you believe it does, you just a beta who jerks off to foot fetish porn.

Fuck you for believing Paraguay exists.

You ain’t tricking me another time.

Another time?

Yeah, that’s right.

There was a day where I was naïve as you.

Believing Paraguay was a place.

I was in Argentina at the time.

Back then, I was living in Buenos Aires.

And there was a nice gal on Latin American Cupid who was writing me.

Calling me “papi.”

And shit…

I like being called papi.

But to keep the Papi compliments going, she needed me to send her money by Western Union.

In total, I sent over 10,000!

Then, one day, I decided to visit her in Paraguay.

In a small town called Ita.

When I got to the border, the Argentine officials told me “go back! Go back! There does not exist Paraguay! It’s fake!”

I was flabbergasted.

Bamboozled.

This lovely woman, whose name was Alejandra Martinez Rodriguez Sanchez de las Flores, told me that she lived in a place called “Paraguay.”

But here I am just now realizing that said country doesn’t exist!

Bamboozled, I tell you!

I turned around.

Sitting on top of my horse, I began the journey back to Buenos Aires in tears that the “love of my life” was not real.

Nor was Paraguay.

Looking for Love Elsewhere in Brazil

We don’t need those hoes in "Paraguay."

There are better pastures to find love and hot sex with Latinas.

Of course, some places like Medellin or Rio are too infested with gringo competition.

In order to get the hottest pussy available on the planet, I must go to the other obscure parts of the planet to find it.

But not so obscure that it doesn’t exist….

So I found an alternative to the “fake Paraguay."

For, as we all know, Paraguay doesn’t exist.

But I did find a place that did exist!

One that will bring me much desired love and a happy life.

A place called Acre in Brazil.

While sitting in Buenos Aires, I began surfing Brazil Cupid.

In doing so, I found the PERFECT woman for me from Brazil.

At a place called Acre.

She had a nice ass, great tits, told me that she “fucks like a porn star” but is a virgin.

Nice.

And she’s very feminine!

Knows how to cook a nice meal, clean my underwear just like mom used to and has the sweetest personality.

Though, as I said, she was located in a part of the world far and isolated from where I was.

Acre.

Some random state that basically nobody has heard of.

Here's a video of it.

Does it exist?

Well, she wouldn’t lie to me, would she?!?!

So I began the journey.

Well prepared with everything imaginable for such a trip!

First flying into Rio de Janeiro.

A place of civilization.

From there, I began trekking to this god forbidden land that no civilized person has been to.

Where the devil himself likely lives!

After months of trekking through the Amazon forest with songs like this here playing from my Ipod…

I eventually found myself deep within Brazilian territory and ready to arrive to find my Brazilian beauty.

However, along the way, I encountered a criminal group of individuals who steal mineral resources from the interior of Brazil as you can read here.

With their guns pointed at me, they told me “go back! Go back! The land of which you speak, Acre, does not exist!”

I began sobbing.

Pleading with them.

Telling them “I am a virgin! 42 years old! And I have just DISCOVERED pussy in a place called Acre of your country! Please, good sir, please let me continue my journey to find the love of my life!”

They shot me in the knee.

And I had to crawl back to my home.

First by arriving slowly to Rio de Janeiro where my private jet would take me back to Buenos Aires.

And, oddly enough, my love in “Acre” blocked my profile on Brazil Cupid!

I slammed the vodka bottle hard onto the table.

Could it be…

Could it be that Acre does not exist also?!?!

For where shall I find love then?!?!

The Lands That Do Not Exist

Well, it’s all a cute story, no?

But let’s get serious.

Well, as serious as this topic allows us….

For those who don’t know, there’s a certain narrative that says “Paraguay does not exist.”

It’s really a joke.

You can see videos on the topic here below from Youtube.

Though, to be fair, the meme largely exists in the Spanish speaking world and, for obvious reasons, isn't really as discussed in other languages.

Similarly, you have had narratives that other parts of Latin America “do not exist.”

As you can guess, that narrative exists for the Brazilian state of Acre.

Now, for those who don’t know, Acre is relatively isolated from the rest of Brazil.

With the Amazon rainforest between Acre and the rest of Brazil.

For us Americans, the equivalent might be Wyoming.

Does Wyoming exist?

Well, you be the judge!

But the idea is the same – a common joke in certain countries about how some obscure land that nobody talks about “not existing.”

The Brazilian version of that being Acre.

And the larger Latin American version being Paragauy.

All around, it’s a joke that isn’t too uncommon to hear among younger Latinos about how certain places “don’t exist” as they don’t know too many people from those areas and those said areas are relatively more isolated and/or lack importance relative to other areas in Latin America.

And that’s it really.

Does this joke exist for other Latin countries?

Is there a certain region in countries like Peru, Argentina, Venezuela, Colombia or others that the locals joke about “not existing?”

If so, leave a comment below to tell me!

I find the joke to be amusing all around and would love to hear.

Or if you have any comments in general on this topic…

Let me know in the comment section below regardless!

And follow my Twitter here.

Thanks for reading.

Best regards,

Matt